Babysitting June Tanaka

Chapter 34

'Let's be monsters'

RAVEN

Kanina pa ako natatalo sa laro naming chess at parang naiinip na rin si June. I've been observing his moves. He was not cocky anymore. He was not boastful. Tahimik lang siya at tanging 'check' 'checkmate' lang ang naririnig ko mula sa kanya. Napalunok nalang ako.

"W-Why don't we talk instead?" Saglit akong napapikit. Thinking of a proper reason why I stumbled on my words. Inangat ni June ang tingin niya sa akin. Now his deep gray eyes were searching something on me na hindi ko alam kung ano.

He pursed his lips and raised an eyebrow at me.

"Ano namang pag-uusapan natin?" Walang gana niyang tanong. It made me think more just because of the tone of his voice. Humugot ako ng lakas at tumingin sa kanya ng diretso. I want to connect with him fully so that I can understand him.

May gusto akong basahin mula sa kanya pero hindi ko ito magawang abutin. It's like, he's blocking my way.

"Why won't you let me in?" Seryoso kong tanong habang nakatingin sa mga mata niya. Bigla siyang natawa sa tanong ko.

"What are you? A psychic?" Natatawa niyang tanong. Umiling lang ako at seryoso paring nakatingin sa kanya. He stopped laughing and looked at me as well. Hinawakan niya ang singsing na nasa kamay niya habang nakatingin sa akin.

"May problema ka ba?" Alam kong napakatangang tanong nun. Like, why would I ask if he has a problem e napapalibutan nga kami ng problema. He just smirked at me as he crossed his arms and looked at me na parang bang tinatanong niya na 'What do you think?'

Mahina nalang akong tumango at tumingin sa pool. Pero hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at tumingin na sa kanya dahilan para tumingin rin siya sa akin.

"Listen, about what happened at the beach—"

He cut me off of my words. With a smile, he cut me off just like that. Isang ngiting ayaw na ayaw kong makita mula sa kanya. The smile of defeat. Even though my relationship with June is good-bad good-bad and we've been fighting for the rest of the month, I can't bear looking at him smile that way.

"Sanay na akong gawing laruan lang, Raven. So it's no big deal." Ngumiti siya ulit. Sending daggers to my heart. Napapikit nalang ako.

"J-June.. I don't know why I said I was playing along." I said those brose half-breathily. Finally, the words I've been keeping in me was said. Nasabi ko na ang matagal na bumabagabag sa akin simula nung makita ko si Kion sa mansion namin. Since that day, I couldn't control my emotions.

"I know it's not a good time to say this since we're in the middle of chaos. But seeing you smile like that, seeing you looked so down, hearing you call yourself a monster! J-June.." Tumingin siya sa akin. Isang tinging walang emosyon ang binigay niya. Napalunok ako at dahan-dahang yumuko. Hinawakan ko ang dibdib ko habang sumasagi sa isip ko ang tingin niyang walang emosyon, ang boses niyang walang gana at ang mga ngiti niyang matamlay.

"..n-nasasaktan na ako."

Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling 'yun. I immediately covered my mouth as if I said something wrong pero alam ko namang totoo ang mga sinabi ko. Hindi ko lang alam kung paano ako humugot ng lakas para sabihin 'yun sa kanya. But since I started opening the cans of beans, I'm opening it wider.