sonder || KHR fanfic

Cold Front

On Rokudo Mukuro and his internal conflict

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"I'm only here to set myself up in a better position to possess Sawada Tsunayoshi's body."

It has became a common-word phrase for the heterochromatic-eyed man.

He gets a myriad of different reactions every time he says that sentence; a laughter full of mockery, a scowl full of disdain, an outburst of anger.

But from Sawada Tsunayoshi alone, he gets the same reaction; a face of both disbelief and belief, if that was even possible.

He could see the brunette's disbelief that he would do such a thing; He could see the brunette's belief in him to always be his faithful Mist Guardian.

And that's what irks him every time. Because Sawada Tsunayoshi truly is the only boy who believes in his word at face value.

So he proclaims those words more so to convince himself than to convince the people around him.

He hates it; looking at the brunette who full-heartedly trusts and believes in him.

He doesn't believe someone could be capable of such kindness.

He has gone through all 7 hells and back and yet, he has never seen someone like Sawada Tsunayoshi.

The brunette was as plain as can be, and he always thought that the boy was a misfit in the mafia world.

Yet, the brunette showed a unique strength within him that he wasn't afraid to show.

To Mukuro, that in itself was frightening, and what made Tsunayoshi a very desirable body to possess.

But the more he meets the brunette, the more he interacts with the brunette, his resolve to take over the boy's body and exact his revenge slowly dissolves.

"They've done me wrong so many time, it's time I pay them back."

And yet, when he comes face-to-face with the boy, he just can't do it; He can't bring himself to thrust the trident through his body, he can't bring himself to do his evildoings.

Rokudo Mukuro could feel himself changing from within, could fee himself forgiving the world for forsaking him.

But he remembers; remembers the days when he couldn't see the sunlight, the days when he would see himself and his friends suffer so pathetically, the days when he would scream for the gods above to save him.

He still gets nightmare, even after he had escaped from that hellhole. He still wakes up, crying, gasping, suffocating.

Though he would never publicly announce it out to anyone, the days of his past is a curse he cannot escape from, his promise for revenge is a remembrance in honor for his lost friends.

And so he never truly knows what to do. Because it's a continuous internal struggle, in which he is equally inclined to join either side.