sonder || KHR fanfic

Conviction

Yamamoto and his outlook on Tsuna
[warnings: course language, mentions of suicide & depression]

•
The students of Namimori High always thought that it was weird that their freshman baseball prodigy hung out with the local no-good kid.

It was always a topic of gossip amongst the community, a topic they always talked about behind the backs of the infamous group.

They always discuss about it in hushed but huffy voices, careful not to let the boy-in-interest hear them, because they know (though do not understand) his protectiveness over the shorter brunette.

-
-

Yamamoto always peeks a glance at the flocks of students who would gawk at him when he greets Tsuna.

He always silently questions the flocks of students who would look at him in disbelief when he slings an arm around Tsuna.

He always scowls, a tint of anger glowering beneath him, at the flocks of students who would send him looks of pity.

He knows why they constantly look at him that way, why they always quietly whisper about him and Tsuna (not quietly enough though, he would often think)

He knows, but chooses to feign ignorance.

He knows that the majority of the students regard him well, while they dismiss Tsuna as useless, stupid, no-good.

He knows that while many of them would approach him with a good-mannered smile, they would approach Tsuna with scoffs of disdain.

He knows, but it sucks.

And he always, always, wishes to send them a punch.

But he doesn't, only because if he did start a fight, all it would do is worry Tsuna.

-

Yamamoto believes he has his life indebted to Tsuna; he was the only one who helped him out of the darkness.

The rest of the student body has never faced him with the sincerity Tsuna has.

They never took his worries seriously, they never tried to reach out to him with genuine intentions, they never, and will never care, for him the way Tsuna did.

When he was in his slump, everyone dismissed it; they said Yamamoto will figure it out, he's a baseball genius!

That honestly hurt him.

So what if he's passionate in baseball? So what if he can't do anything good besides baseball? So what?

It doesn't change the fact that he's still a normal human.

To be disregarded as a genius, to be left to fend off his demons on his own, to be abandoned to the swirling darkness that never relented, but only ever grew inside him, it hurt him.

It always did, just that no one seemed to notice it. Or perhaps they did, but choose to disregard it.

That's why he decided to jump. Why he decided there was nothing left of him.

He's the baseball prodigy. If he can't even live up to it, what else can he do?

With his mind swimming, drowning, in despair, he silently cries out for help.

For someone, just one person, to understand that he's just a fucking normal human being that wants to be understood as normal.

He doesn't want to be this popular school jock who everyone loves but ultimately doesn't actually care.

He just wants to smile, to laugh, and not those insincere, stupid smile he always flashes.

He wants to smile a heartfelt smile.

-
-

"In fact, I'm a pathetic person who would have regrets when dying. Thinking if I'm going to die then I should have done it with my dying will. Thinking it's a waste to die from something like this..."

Something in Yamamoto broke when he heard those words.

"You think I wouldn't have regrets if I died now?"

(That's probably why everyone else thinks all this is just a joke, his demon bit back.)

But then he sees the genuine remorse behind the brunette's eyes, the sincere apology that the brunette tried to convey, before he scampered off.

That's why he reached out to him, grabbed his shirt with all his might his last remaining hand could exert.

Because this was what he was looking for.

Not the apology, but the sincerity.

Even amidst all the students who came to try convince him to not jump, only Tsuna shone the light he had been looking for in the dark.

When the fence broke, he thought how he didn't want to die yet.

He thought of what he wanted to talk to Tsuna about, had he successfully grabbed him without causing this fall.

And then he hears him.

"SAVE YAMAMOTO WITH MY DYING WILL!"

It shocked him to say the least, but it touched him.

That someone was willing to regret not saving him so much.

So when they reached the ground safely, even though he can hear the students on the roof shouting how crazy his 'prank' was, he didn't feel helpless anymore.

He felt relieved; relieved from all the demons, the darkness, the loneliness that he withstood all this time.

-

"Just like you said, I have to do it with a dying will. I don't know what I was thinking. Nothing good comes from my idiocy."

"Because you're right, I would have things that I would regret if I died now."