sonder || KHR fanfic

Suffocating

On Gamma and his days as part of the Millefiore Famiglia

•

Like a binding curse, Gamma would often think about the old, simple days of the past.

The days when he wasn't the leader of the 3rd Squad Black Spell of the Millefiore Famiglia, but instead was the right hand man of the boss of the Giglio Nero Famiglia.

The days when he wasn't out on a wild goose hunt for the remnants of the Vongola Famiglia, but instead was going through the motions of a steady mafiaso life in the Giglio Nero base.

The days when he wasn't resenting the White Spell and Black Spell bosses at every waking moment, but instead cherishing the days with the now-late boss of the Giglio Nero Famiglia and her daughter.

Every time he thinks about it all, his heart screams in pain, in anguish.

How did it turn out like this?

Why didn't he protect the young lady back then when she entered Byakuran's room alone?

Why was he so powerless to do anything?

Like a binding curse, the thoughts swirls around him every day, every minute, every second.

And he silently screams and curses at himself.

But ultimately, he knows he can't do anything; he's powerless to do anything.

So he just accepts the new life, does as he's told to do and just resents at everything.

It's easier that way too.

He doesn't have to think about it. He just has to do it.

(But he knows, at the back of his mind, how Aria would look at him disapprovingly.)

-||-

Inside, he hopes that his young lady would return to him; return to be the innocent and pure lady he remembers her to be.

So he gives her his strongest box weapon, the one he swore to use for only, only for the sake of the Giglio Nero Famiglia.

As he looks into her empty, soulless eyes, he tells her that he will never use this box for the sake of the Millefiore Famiglia.

All while he silently, vehemently wishes she would respond back to him.

To listen to him, to look at him, to talk to him.

He silently screams for her.

But he knows still, it doesn't get through to her.

Nothing does, ever since that cursed day. Nothing ever was the same again. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

(He hopes still, silently, vehemently, that a change would happen someday.)

-||-

He finds it easier to live a life of depravity in the midst of his accursed thoughts.

It's not like he cares deeply about the Vongola and the people he's tasked with hunting down. He doesn't know them and it's all just part of the mafia life.

He just hates how he's stuck working under his hated enemy, who takes them all in dancing to the palm of his hands.

He hates it, yet can't change it.

So he falls in depravity; he fools around with girls when he can, he drinks dozens of beer a day and spends his days rotting in this accursed famiglia.

His fellow comrades from Giglio Nero understand his sentiments, and fall into the same depravity as he does.

And it just becomes a cycle of depravity, every day.

(Everyday, he wants out of this. He just wants to devote his life serving his young lady, but where is she really.)

-||-

His new life in the Milliefiore Famiglia brought about a nasty temper, one he never actually had back when he was a proud Giglio Nero.

He throws a huge tantrum whenever things go wrong, throwing furniture here and there, getting into a scuffle with his subordinates every other day.

But most of all, he finds himself grudging Uni; he blames her for everything, she said she'll stop Byakuran but this happens?

He knows she only did what was best to protect the famiglia, and yet sometimes it rubs him off as a tic.

He gets mad, and resents her. He resents her, resents her, resents her.

(His demon scoffs at him; "You don't hate her, you just hate yourself for not being strong enough."

-||-

"I won't leave you alone."

When he sees Uni trying to take that jump to death for the sake of others, he grabs a hold of her.

Honestly, he didn't do it because he wanted to save the world or some grand scheme like that.

He just wanted to be there for Uni.

This time, without fail, he'll grab hold of her with his own hands and be there for her.

He's still powerless person compared to her.

So this is the only thing he could do.

And he doesn't want to mess it up.

Not anymore.

("Because I love you.")