Don't say that you love me

Take away the heartache

Lindsey thought back to how happy they'd been, him and Stevie making their music together. He wanted to forget, quickly snorting some lines, rolling a joint and swigging some of his whiskey bottle which he had stashed in his car, also grabbing his full flask, he was going to find Stevie, she had hurt him deeply, he knew he was acting so mean, but it made him angrier and it was making him lash out at everyone, he knew he should have treated Stevie better and mostly everything that happened was his fault, he had been selfish and probably arrogant. He had also been overprotective in the wrong way and paranoid. He had lost the love of his life but was too proud to admit it. He felt like shit, he had never been so angry in his whole life, he wanted to hate Stevie, he thought by being cruel to her that it would make him get over her, but it didn't. He just couldn't forget her and couldn't stop loving her. The love made him angry, he hated himself for everything but deep down he knew he shouldn't have taken it out on Stevie, but that was him. "I'm such an asshole!" he cussed lighting the joint and re-entering the building.

Stevie had finished crying her mixed up tears of love and hate and pulled the small bag from her boot, she was feeling sky high but needed more. She tipped some onto the coffee table and used her finger to cut the lines, not having anything else to use.  She leant over and began her next session, quickly inhaling the white dust. She threw her head back and sat there, feeling the high kicking in trying to forget about Lindsey and her guilt of the words she had said to him.   Then she felt stupid for feeling guilty after everything he said too her, he had rubbished her music since the break up and been so mean, her mind flickered back to one moment in particular which had scared her

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Mick and the Mcvie's had left the studio, Stevie had stayed late because she had to work on a song, but unbeknownst to her, Lindsey was still there, he had also stayed late.  She had sat in the lounge scribbling some lyrics down for a new song, which was like a sequel to 'dreams' and singing bits of it out loud, when Lindsey came out.  They were both high, she had drank a fair amount of brandy, as had he and they had both smoked joints and inhaled copious amounts of coke that Ken had provided.  Stevie sang more of the lyrics out from a song she didnt really want to realease but loved for herself.   "Nice song, see you do love me!" he slurred, knowing that 'Outside the rain' was about him

Stevie looked up shocked, he looked terrible, his hair was extra messy and his blue gray eyes looked bloodshot.

Stevie didn't know what to say "Linds I thought you went home, you dont look well!" she calmly replied

"I'm not, as if you give a fuck! You left me!" he snapped.

"I still love you, we just werent working how do you think I felt!" she said standing up.

Lindsey grabbed her wrist and pushed her to the floor a little to roughly like the way they had used to when they had sex "Love me again!" he muttered grabbing her wrists to tightly.

Stevie didnt know if he was angry and being cruel or if this was his way of rekindling their relationship but she panicked "Get off me, your hurting me!" she said squirming.

Lindsey instantly loosed his grip and Stevie threw him off herself and ran out of the studio.

Stevie had rang her mother hysterical when she finally got back to the motel saying what Lindsey did, maybe she was overreacting, maybe he did just want to make love to her, of course he did, but the drugs and brandy were speaking.  Barbara was angry with Lindsey but was still trying to understand him too, she felt for both of them and was saddened by their break up. She had told Stevie how men can act very stupid when they are drunk and even Jess had too in their younger years. Stevie had apoligised for dumping on her mother and then hung up consuming more of her toxic vices feeling bad for everything.

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Was she that bad, she contemplated pulling a rolled joint out her opposite boot and her lighter, did she deserve this from Lindsey, was she the bad person? Dumping Lindsey, dumping on her mother in the middle of that night, dating Don Henley and aborting Sara, who was she anymore? She lit the joint and began puffing away. She felt so lost without Lindsey but so hurt from how he had acted. She was just glad to have her music as well as the Mcvies, Mick and Robin. Her heart still broke over Lindsey, she had missed him so much, his deep, thoughtful looks, his wiseness, his passionate but sad blue ocean eyes, the connection they had shared for all those years since they first met playing along to and singing to 'The Mama's and the Papa's' 'California Dreaming' that night. The laughs they had shared, as long as the struggles and the love they had made.  But, she didnt miss his controlling, Lindsey really had become a different person. She had only wanted to break up with him for a short time but then he had started seeing groupies and now Carol Ann. so she had started dating her already good friend Don, but he had ran for the hills when she was pregnant. Everything was a mess, she tipped out more cocaine and repeated her actions then she began to laugh thinking about a line in the song she had been writing that day

"Maybe you thought that I'd change, but you know I'm changing, YOUR WRONG!" she sang emotionally "And, I'm tired of, tired of trying!" she tipped out more lines and got up unsteadily pulling a hidden bottle of whiskey out from the cupboard in the corner, swigging it then laughing "Look in my eyes!" she sang staring stupidly at the bottle and then rubbing it against her face giggling "Touch my face" she danced back to the lounge with the bottle and sat down "There's no one that can ever, replace that heartache!" she bellowed then puffing on the lit joint and inhaling a line "Take away that heartache!" she sang.

Lindsey had been standing outside of the room where he had heard Stevie singing, having an extra few swigs of whiskey from his flask first, beginning to already feel it when, shit, he realised it was empty. He couldn't help but smile when she laughed and sang, he wondered if he should go in, he felt so guilty for how he knew he was acting and maybe she was better off without him, but he wanted her back, he was slowly dying as he knew she was too, they had built their dreams together, deep down he blamed Stevie wanting to join Fleetwood Mac so much for their break up. He was lost in thought when he heard her singing again. The mix of drugs and alcohol had made him bolder so he pushed the door open.

Stevie looked up seeing Lindsey barging in,he looked a mix of drunk, stoned, sad, angry and passionate, what was he going to do now?

*Hope everyone liked the chapter, trying to make it as real as possible with their messed up relationship! But it still might not ending up being a Buckingham Nicks romance either*