Don't say that you love me

Like A Magnet

Stevie walked further into the water, feeling the sparkling sea all around her feet. It was getting colder the deeper she got in, but she barely felt it as it lapped against her bare knees as her dress began becoming drenched, nothing compared to the shattering of her already broken heart.  

She felt another piece break away, at the words of Carol Ann being pregnant to Lindsey, her Lindsey.   She blamed herself, for wanting the break that he clearly thought was permanent.  Neither of them had been clear about their feelings or what they wanted. The cocaine, brandy and marijuana haze that all of them lived in was confusing.  Time was trickling away like sand in an hourglass.  They had already been with Fleetwood Mac for around two years and some days it felt longer like a decade of fighting and burning out, then other days it felt like a few days and their struggle street version of the American dream was becoming real.

Stevie had recalled when they first joined the Mac, their first tour in a bus with barely any sleep, how exciting it had been, exhausting but exciting, like they had the whole world in their hands, a whole bright future of fame and fortune for her, she wouldn't be the struggling cleaning lady, working two jobs while Lindsey wasn't confident enough with his own skills.   Stevie felt like she was still a child at times though and that starry-eyed beginning felt like part if it, like a giggly dream, like her and Lindsey had been teenagers thrust into an adult world and now Stevie wondered if her parents were right and she didn't belong in this scene of life.

Memories rushed through her mind like sharp daggers.  She felt toxic, like she had already had ruined it with Lindsey, she had a failed relationship with Don and she went through the trauma of loosing Sara, whom she wanted so dearly and she knew she was struggling with the cocaine and now she couldn't even find her best friend, Christine to confide in. She felt more alone than ever but, suddenly her thoughts were broken when she heard a loud yell that was like an angel calling before she sank beneath the murky depth of the ocean that had already claimed so many lost souls like herself "Stevie, get out of there, its bloody freezing!" 

She turned around dazed and saw the tall Englishman standing on the shore in his flamboyant attire "Mick, why are you here, don't I get any peace from the fucking album!" She snapped at him, annoyed in a way that he was there. 

"Lindsey has been looking for you all day, he wants to talk to you!" Mick explained walking closer, hi boots crushing the broken shells into the wet sand.

"What is there to say, just go away Mick!" Stevie sighed, breathing heavily as she listened to the ocean and watched the moon's crescent reflection shimmering on the gleaming darkness.

"A lot to say, he loves you Stevie, he wants to be with you, despite the baby, Carol might get rid of it anyway!" Mick shrugged.

"I don't want her to do that!" Stevie said adamantly. No way would she wish her predicament on anyone.

"No big deal! It would be easier!" Mick laughed.

"Its not easy! How dare you say that! Stevie half yelled knowing how hard it was to choose and to live with, as she started to walk closer to the shore, feeling herself actually shivering.

"Well she isn't your girlfriend!" Mick chuckled and Stevie glared.

"This isn't a fucking joke Mick!" Stevie snapped angrily "An innocent baby is involved now, just because you don't give a rat's ass about your daughters!" Stevie spat as she glared up at him, then she watched the hurt showing in his greenish blue eyes.

"Stevie, you know they mean everything to me, I do the best I can!" Mick said defeatedly and Stevie felt worse by the second for saying it.

"I fuck up everything okay, don't you see that! I break hearts that get given to me! I shattered Lindsey's! I am like a black widow spider, I hurt and I hurt and I hurt everyone!" She sniffled and started walking out of the water completely, shivering even more.

"Stop that bullocks, come here and lets go find Lindsey!" Mick soothed, resting his hand on Stevie's shoulder "Your fuckin freezing cold, jeez!" He exclaimed.

"I cant feel it!" She laughed dryly "Do I have feelings anymore, no?" She shrugged. 

"Come on, come get warm, have a shower at my place, a scotch and some coke, then you will feel better and we will go see Linds!" Mick smiled warmly, taking his jacket off and wrapping it around the petite singer.

"I'm not cold Mick, but I want the drink and the coke, how did you even find me?!" She stammered, shivering more.

"Guess we have a connection!" Mick joked "Now come with me and let me take care of you, I have done this heaps of times with Chris and John too!" 

"No wonder why Chris calls you Daddy then!" Stevie chuckled and Mick laughed loudly, leading her up the beach.

"Have you got any clothes with you to change into?" Mick asked and she shook her head "How about I take you back to your place then?" 

"Lindsey may be there and I don't know what to say yet!" Stevie stammered, shivering even more as she felt the grains of sand sticking to her.

"You can have some of Jenny's clothes, it will all be okay Stevie, Lindsey and you love eachother!" Mick soothed and soon helped her into the car, tossing a blanket over her which she gladly huddle in and they were soon at Mick's house.