Mick slowly slid a glass of whiskey down in front of Stevie who had sat down at his breakfast bar and been sitting there for what seemed like over an hour at least, even though the time was unknown, they had already done lots of cocaine and drank the first bottle with hardly any words exchanged, now another joint was sitting in the ashtray beside them and the room seemed to look hazy to both of them, Stevie had also cried her eyes out in his bathroom, then done cocaine to help numb the headache she was getting.
Mick gazed at Stevie with his own glassy eyes full of his own turmoil, she was not speaking, she was scowling and holding back all the tears inside of herself still, the heartbreak, the betrayal and her dreams shattered of ever having a future with Lindsey, that was the future he would have with Carol Ann now and it felt like a knife was in her, being twisted with every little second that ticked by, the pain she was feeling made her nauseous, she wanted to disappear, the despair was unimaginable and it was like loosing Lindsey all over again, except even worse because she felt it was permanent this time and the baby inside Carol Ann was like a chain that chained her to Lindsey, forever and Stevie understood that, Lindsey always wanted children but she worried it would tie her down and she wanted to sing first and then have kids before she was thirty, now every ship had sailed, like time did, like sand through an hourglass that was doomed from the start.
Stevie felt bad because at those moments she hated Carol Ann, she wanted to yell at her and say she didn't love Lindsey like she did and never would, she wished she could kick her out from their lives, she hated her and she knew that was wrong, that is what hurt more because she didn't like feeling negative emotions like hate, anger and jealousy. She then hated herself for ever ending things with Lindsey, she just had wanted a break, now it was forever, they were over again after getting back together and planning their fairy-tale future, with dreams and babies.
She knocked back the glass and enjoyed the burning sting of the bittersweet whiskey as it slid down her throat and she wished it engulfed her feelings with it and drowned them, she wanted to drown at that moment, she wished she had just walked straight into the ocean before Mick found her, what was the point of anything anymore, she probably would never even be able to have a child with Lindsey anyway she thought and grabbed the bottle of whiskey, re-filling her glass and Mick watched glumly, wanting to pull the bottle away from her but he felt just as deflated over his own marital issues and he felt too dazed too really do much of anything but he felt he had too "I am sure Lindsey still loves you, I know him, he would do anything to have you!" Mick explained with an obvious slur but Stevie shook her head and chewed on her bottom lip, biting back the tears and then throwing her head back and she drank back the whiskey quickly before she started crying and then grabbed the note, snorting back a line of cocaine that Mick had cut already on the marble bench top, she closed her eyes as the dust burned her nose before the numbing effect, the numbness in her nose was what she wanted to feel overtake her emotions, numb, just numb.
"Stop telling me shit Mick, I know Lindsey, I know what has happened, him and I are over, Carol is pregnant, so stop bringing it all up, I am here to loose myself in drugs and alcohol, I don't want to talk about my mess of a life, I will bring yours up if you keep it up and that is in just as much ruins as mine!" Stevie snapped as the cocaine took hold once again and she swigged back the tiny amount of amber liquor before she slammed the glass down on the bar, making Mick startled and then she felt bad "I'm sorry!" She exclaimed and got up from the chair, cuddling herself and covering her face as she began crying.
Mick felt lost and confused but he felt sorry for Stevie as she began breaking down in front of him "Hey, its alright love, everything will be okay!" He soothed, walking around in front of her small figure and wrapping his arms around her, pulling her gently against him and just holding her.
"It wont Mick, all of ours lives have fallen apart and Christine isn't even here for me to run too, Robin is back in Phoenix, I have no one and I just lost Lindsey, Carol got him and I hate her for it, I wish I was carrying his baby but I probably never could because horrible me had an abortion and I hate myself for that too, you should have let me fucking drown!" Stevie shouted, feebly pushing at Mick's chest even though she had no power in her little shoves.
"Stevie, I love you, we all do, don't self-destruct, Jenny is probably going to take the custody of ours daughters and I will hardly see then, so I know how you feel!" Mick stammered and in a moment of madness, kissed her without thinking because he had feelings for her and the drugs and alcohol intensified them.
YOU ARE READING
Don't say that you love me
RomanceFleetwood Mac is on an early tour in the late 70's and are working on "Rumours" Stevie is haunted by the past, she is losing her grip on her own life to drugs and alcohol, which only causes her to make more mistakes. Who will save her and who will...