05/07/2014 00:08
WARNING: Uncommon entry ahead!!! Yeah, I'm having a good ol' rant because I can't take it anymore.
Why?
Why can't I have a normal family?
A common family?
An okay family?
A not sneered-at family?
An open and not secretive family?
I couldn't care less if I had a work-a-holic dad and a pushy mum.
So I'm asking yet again: Why?
I'm sure you'll judge my family, whether consciously or not, when I tell you my problem.
Of course, there is always someone in a worse situation. And written down, my life seems hearts and rainbows compared to other people, but try living as me and being in my shoes and you won't be snickering anymore.
To cut to the chase, I'll break my thoughts down so you can process my words slowly:
My dad died when I was 7, and eight months later my mum found a new man.
But here's the messed up bit, or rather, bits:
Messed up thing #1: My step-dad has anger management issues which prevents me from living my life as a normal teenager, I have to act grown-up around him, no tantrums or childish behaviour allowed.
You might think that might be good for me, but the amount of things such as insults that I want to yell at him have to be swallowed, and I'm slowly rotting on the inside, overflowing with unsaid words that are slowly poisoning me, trying to seep through my cracks.
Messed up thing #2: With his verbal abuse he's slowly crushing my mum who is a strong woman, but has had a rough past. It's getting to the point where she starts muttering about suicide.
Messed up fact #3: My mum still loves him despite all that, and she thinks things are gonna get better, she thinks we need to fight for our family to remain one, especially for my sibling's sake. I disagree...
Messed up fact #4: My siblings will never know how it is to be happy all the time like I did when my real dad was still around.
Messed up fact #5: No, we cannot ask for help, we've tried several times and it's failed miserably. Everyone ends up thinking my mum is a delusional woman who makes things up because my step-dad without even trying fools everyone, and that breaks her even more.
I'm a horrible person.
My mum deserves a wonderful, obedient, talented and supportive daughter.
Not a complaining, talentless, stupid b***h of a daughter that I am... It's not the fact that I try to help her that counts, because it makes no difference, I'm not in control of my hormones.
To all of you reading all these diary entries, I really hope it is opening up your eyes and that you realise that:
Your problem is not a valid problem if you're depressed about a certain celebrity having a girlfriend.
Think about it.
-S.K.
Four words from the head: Busy life, I'm sorry.
Updates are every Wednesday and Saturday (London time) unless the head has issues in their life
YOU ARE READING
The Real Diary
PoetryENTRIES ACCEPTED (Private Message Us) Because we all need to get things off our chest, even to people who don't know us. Maybe they'll judge us less.
