The Real Diary

Entry no. 11

[Fair Warning: Swearing, Ranting, and Depressing thoughts.]

 [Time: 17:11] 

Where do I even begin with this?

3 words: School Life Sucks.

Welcome to my school:

"Hellhill Middle School" [Not my actual school]

This place is utter hell. Complete and utter hell.

I wonder how long it'll take 'til I break.

I was in invisible, or so I thought...everyday, I was the joke of the 8th grade. Everyday, whispers, lies, and secrets. I was the school's weird/ bi-polar swearing nerd. Yeah, that's right, nerd. My reason for swearing, fuck you.

I never did anything to hurt myself. Some people however, thought I did. Anorexic, Bulimic, Cutter, Emo... The list goes on and on.

So what did I do? Nothing. Except blast my music, and say "Fuck you" to the world. I became a person I never thought I would be, but then again, the world is a place of name-calling and gossip isn't it? I had to protect myself, but instead, I made a bigger fool of myself then I ever thought I could. I hated life.

Absolutely fucking hated it.

Being threatened? Check.

Being bullied? Check.

Nerd? Check.

Girl? Check.

Weak? Yet a-fucking-gain Check.

On top of all of that, guess what?

Cheating mother.

Whoop-de-fucking-do.

 I stayed home from school for 3 days after, just... alone. No eating, drinking, talking. Nothing.

My friend noticed it too, my only friend. In the past year, we've become like sisters, and she noticed when I changed.

I gotta thank ya love, for everything you've helped me through.

I spouted off what my mother did, and just got...

Nothing.

Well, except mental breakdowns.

It was the 23rd of January. February 16th, my mother and I moved out of the house, to stay at my grandmothers for the next year. By that time, I was an 8th grader. 

Let me say one thing: Eighth grade is hell. Fuck you teachers.

Thanks to my friend, my Internet friends, Google calculator, and my brain, I made it through. I raised my D- grade in English to a B+. 

To you haters who thought you knew the real me, you never did. All you saw was me with my mask on. That's what Cancer's are known for after all. For those of you who judged me in the past, I don't give a shit who you are, how much money your 'precious Mommy and Daddy' have, or your looks. No, I judge you for your actions and personality. If you act like a dick all of the time, I'm going to treat you like that all the time. 

Have you ever seen a mask crack before? No...?

Well, you just did.

My mask just did, the truth is gone now. 

Fuck you haters.

No one gives a damn anymore.

I've become a better person, without you.

As quoted from my favorite song: "Don't let what they say keep you up at night".

And as sure as hell, I don't anymore.