Always Have Paris

Chapter 13 • Callow

"And what an ache I've made
for a hollow embrace"

Callow // Novo Amor

***

Although my life ended sooner than I wanted it to, I have to admit that I'm very happy with how things turned out.

I never thought I'd have enough courage to tell Abby about my true feelings for her and never in a million years would I have believed that she felt the same about me. Not telling her about my feelings was a decision I made based on wanting to be apart of her life even if it meant that I'd never be anything more to her than a best friend.

The only thing I regret is not telling her sooner so I could have more time with her while I was still alive.

Even though my fiancé is cuddling me in a plush bed in a nice hotel in the most romantic city in the world, it's not real. I'm not real, more like. I'm a ghost, or some sort of wingless angel now.

What was I thinking when I proposed? How the hell are we going to have a wedding, much less a real life together? Just enjoy the rest of your time in Paris together, Harry.

I'll worry about the details later.

Abby inhales a deep breath and moves away from me, ultimately removing the covers and I turn to face her. The glow from the hotel clock on the nightstand displays that it's nearly three in the morning and I lean up on my elbow.

"What's wrong, love?"

"Hm? Nothing. Just have to pee."

"Oh okay," I lay back down and watch her walk over to the loo with a grin on my face.

She knows I'm here with her now. It doesn't hurt to look at her naked bum. And what a fine bum it is. Calm yourself, Harry. Last night's shag should hold you over until we get home at least.

The sound of the toilet flushing and sink faucet running bring me out of my thoughts and thanks to the moonlight shining through the sheer curtains of the window, I'm able to watch Abby walk back over to the bed.

She fits her eyes to mine, smiling lazily while I pull back the covers for her.

"M'cold."

"Maybe, just maybe, it's because you're naked," I smirk, tucking the covers over her shoulder to warm her up.

"So are you," she playfully shoots back.

"Yes, but I'm not cold," I splay my hand on her back and gently bring her closer to me. Her smile fades and I realize the reason why. As our legs become entangled under the covers, I caress her back and fit my eyes to hers. "This new realm is so strange for me to get used to."

Abby's eyes dart back and forth to mine and she inhales a deep breath.

"I'm going to drop out of uni."

"What? Uhm, what? You can't be serious."

"Yeah, I am. I've thought about it all day and-"

"All day? Well I'm glad you gave throwing away your entire future a whole bloody day to think about."

She rolls her eyes, sighing at my sarcasm.

"Oh c'mon, Harry, my plan is Ace. Just hear me out. We could move here to Paris, I'll find a small and affordable flat just big enough for the two of us and I could get a job at a popular tourist spot where I wouldn't have to speak fluent French. They have McDonald's here, don't they?"

"McDonald's? You're shitting me. Abigail, you've wanted to be a Veterinary Nurse ever since we were kids and you've worked very hard for it and now you're telling me you want to work at a fast food restaurant?"

"You're missing the point. I can work wherever but doesn't it sound amazing? Just you and me," she kisses my cheek, "in the city of love," she kisses my lips, "together."

She's lost her damn mind.

"But you're so close to graduation. Why are you even considering this? You're obviously not thinking clearly. Maybe you're still grieving my d-"

"Don't say it, Harry. Don't," she says and tears begin to well in her eyes. "You're here with me now and that's all that matters, and I don't, I don't want to-"

She begins to sob and I pull her to my chest to embrace her in a hug. With her weeping in my arms, I press a kiss to her forehead and she holds onto me that much tighter.

"I don't want to live without you. I can't."

I huff out a frustrated, imaginary breath and kiss her forehead one more time before leaning back to look at her. She sniffs, blinking slowly and I give her a sweet kiss.

"It's been a long day. Let's get some sleep and we can talk about this when we get back home, yeah?"

"Okay," she nods with a yawn, moving to lay on her side and I realize that she needs to be held.

You can be the big spoon for one night, Harry.

Once I'm settled on my side behind her, I wrap my arm around her waist and she takes my hand to hold close to her chest. I press a kiss to her neck, earning a sigh that quickly becomes a yawn and I can't help but smile.

Sweet dreams, my pretty pea.

***

Abby's unbelievable and irresponsible plan practically hurled me back into reality, but she's not the only one to blame. As ridiculous as it may seem, being here in the most romantic city in the world with my best friend and love of my life made me forget that I'm not actually alive, so I can't put all the blame on her.

I shouldn't have proposed. But it was very romantic. The top of the Eiffel Tower? At sunset? It was like a scene from one of those romcoms. Noah Calhoun would've done the same thing.

Canned laughter from the French sitcom that Abby left on the tellie brings me out of my thoughts and I look over at the alarm clock on the nightstand.

Groaning, I sit up in the bed and pull the covers back. It's a strange feeling not being tired after not sleeping for several days, but then again, I'm not alive. I shake my head for clarity while I dress myself in my blasted pair of grey joggers and a jumper that I realize has an old stain of some sort on the hem.

I couldn't have died in my favourite jeans and one of my stylish shirts, hey?

The low drone of the hotel's hairdryer stops and I walk over to the loo. Since the door is open, I peek around the doorjamb and greet Abby with a smile.

"M'almost ready," she says, putting the hairdryer back in its wall mount.

Her skinny jeans and cropped jumper paired with her beat up old converse shoes make me smile, but the way her long orange-as-an-orange red hair frames her beautiful face makes me fall even more in love with her.

I walk the few steps over behind her and wrap my arms around her stomach. Thanks to our height difference, I rest my chin on the top of her head and I begin swaying us like some lovestruck bloke.

"This is crazy."

"What is, love?" I ask with a peck to her cheek.

"My whole world is holding me in his arms yet I can't see his reflection in the mirror."

Her words break my non-beating heart and remind me of the hellish reality that I'm not alive.

"Same goes for the pictures we took together yesterday," she mutters, looking down at our hands on her stomach. "You weren't in any of them," she makes eye contact with me in the mirror. "It was just me, obviously posing with an invisible person."

"Oh so that's what was bothering you that you wouldn't tell me," I guess and she nods with a sad smile. I clear my throat, stepping back and Abby turns to face me. "At least we're together, yeah?"

"Yeah," she smiles, standing on her tiptoes and I peck her lips.

"It's a quarter till nine. We should probably head to the station now."

"Okay," she replies, wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "I'm so happy I get to marry you."

Holding her closer, I force a smile because I don't want to spoil the end of our trip.

"I'm happy, too, love. Let's go."***