If You're Hurt They Bleed

I Didn't Know

When I got home, I pulled up the video of our choir concert, skipping to Evermore. I couldn't remember how we were that comfortable with each other, how we could blend our voices that effortlessly. It's like we're different people now. Whenever we sing together, you can hear the tension in our voices, the reluctance in the harmonies. 

I miss him. 

Sighing, I skipped forward once more to Change In Me. 

It was the first time I'd watched it, refusing to after the soul-crushing silence that had followed. As I started singing, a new type of silence fell over the crowd that I could feel even through the computer. They were captured. It wasn't my best performance of the song, but the silence after meant something completely different. It's a strange kind of applause, really. 

I think they were afraid to break the spell. 

I heard a door slam downstairs and quickly shut my computer. I knew that was Mom, and I was planning to do whatever I could to avoid her. 

"Maya!" She screamed. "I know you're here. Get down here, we need to talk."

I sat for a minute, weighing my options. 

"Maya!" She somehow got louder.

I hopped up and raced down the stairs. 

"Yes?"

"I called you 6 times. Why didn't you pick up?" She demanded. 

"Rehearsal. No phones, remember?" I lied. 

I told her we couldn't have phones in rehearsal in 9th grade because she was being annoying about my grades. She never bothered to check, and Dad didn't give me away. 

"You know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that no one told me he was in a coma until I went in today to talk to him!" Her voice rose to a screech once more. 

"Yeah. It's real fun when people don't tell you stuff, huh." I glared at her. 

"That's different-"

"How? How is it different? I didn't know that my father was in the hospital until I saw his name on the news! At least you knew where he was. I thought he was perfectly safe, getting off his plane in Paris or God-Knows-Where. And if my day yesterday wasn't stressful enough, I watched my father go into a coma, and I was helpless to stop it. So, yeah. Maybe I didn't tell you. But I had a reason. You just forgot." I crossed my arms. My mother was speechless. 

"I have homework." I pushed past her and walked back up the stairs, effectively ending the conversation. 

I sat down at my desk once more, opening my laptop to the last screen, of me and Maurice onstage. I pressed play and watched my face fall ever-so-slightly as I noted the silence. 

Silence that I now understood.