I Want What I Can't Have

Chapter nine

My eyelids felt heavy as I tried to open them the next morning. The light that squeezed through the shades blinded me.  I winced, trying to sit up without getting dizzy or anything. My head was pounding and all I needed was a painkiller or something. I slid out of bed, taking small and steady steps into the kitchen and snatching the painkiller bottle. I sighed before swallowing a couple of pills and taking a chug of water. Lord, hangovers suck.

Wait...why am I hungover? The memories of last night are flooding in. The beach. The drinks. The kis. My dad. His rule. My comment.... Oh my gosh! My eyes flicked to the clock to see that it was already 11 am. The boys should be up by now. Without even looking at myself in the mirror, I pushed the hairs that flew stray from my messy bun and walked out of my hotel room.

I started down the hallway towards the lift to go down to the cafe, but was stopped my voices coming from the opposite end of the hall.

"Ariana!" A couple of  different voices called. I slowly turned around to see Louis, Harry, and Zayn standing around outside of Liam's hotel room. I yawned , walking down to them.

"Well, you look like hell." Louis teased. I just rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palms.

"I feel like it, too." I grumbled.

"Ouch. Hungover?"

"Oh yeah."

"Do you remember anything from last night..?" Zayn worriedly questioned. I pusrsed my lips together and nodded, but not too much because of my headache.

"Yeah, actually. I was coming out to look for you. We kinda need to talk.."

Harry exchanged a look with Louis then nodded, turning his eyes to switch between me and Zayn. "I think you two should probably do that in private."

I agreed, grabbing Zayn's wrist and opening the cleaning closet across the hall. "And, in a place where my dad won't find us if he decides to come strolling down the hall like he did last night. IF he comes, just shake the doorknob or something." Before I could get an answer, I pushed both me and Zayn in the closet and shut the door behind us. He scranched the back of his neck and bit his lip.

"Zayn, last night when you left, my dad specifically told me I'm not to see you unless I'm with him or have permission." I sighed. "He still thinks of me as a child and I'm sick of it."

"I need to know where we stand, Ari." Zayn threw out there. I dropped my mouth, but know words came out. I honestly couldn't find the right ones.

"I-it's kinda hard to see where we are when my dad is standing between us." I mumbled, taking my bottom lip between my teeth and began chewing on it. Zayn gently placed his hands on my shoulders.

"Did you even like last night? Or were you too drunk to know? Because if you didn't, then I don't see a reason to try to fight for you and me to-"

"Last night was great." I spoke through a smile. Zayn's lips twitched into the same form as mine.

"Then why don't you just say 'the hell with it' and don't let your dad control you?" 

"You don't know my dad.." I sarcastically laughed. Zayn groaned and began running his fingers through his hair.

"Looks like we're going to have to sneak around, then." He put a sneaky grin on his face, and I nodded.

"But we'll need help from the boys.."

"I don't see a problem with that," Zayn shrugged.

"Okay, then I guess I should go find my dad. He's probably expecting an apology from me."

***

I knocked on Zayn's hotel room door, pulling the sleeves of my sweatshirt down and held onto them with four fingers. The door quickly swung open, revealing Zayn. He smiled at me then quickly pulled me inside as if somebody was right behind me. "Hurry! Don't want to get caught!" He joked, shut the door, then locked it.

"Chill, Louis, Liam, and Harry said they 'wanted' to go to the mall, so my dad had to go with them." I laughed, walking into the living room area and plopping down on the couch. I gazed around the suite, wondering why my room wasn't this nice. "Dang, you guys have pretty nice rooms, huh?"

"Yup," He smiled widely with his eyes squinting. He plopped down next to me on the couch, putting an arm around my shoulder. I poked his bare chest.

"Go put on a shirt, mister!" I commanded, sounding like Michelle from Full House. He stood up and put his hands out in front of his chest.

"Sorrrry," he sang out. "I was just about to go out for a smoke on the balcony and it's hot as shit out there." He walked outside on the hotel balcony, snatching his lighter and pack of cigs. I followed him, caught a bit off gaurd.

"You smoke? Isn't that like really bad for your lungs?" I annoyingly asked. He nodded, liting the cig and brought the end to his mouth. "Zayn, you're an amazing singer. I'd hate to see your voice go bad because of some stupid cigarettes."

"I know, I know. I've heard it all before." He rolled his eyes and waved his hand up, dismissing what I just said. With each word he said, more smoke came out of his mouth and nose. I held my breath as it reached me.

"You're not worried about your health?"

"Not as worried as most people are. It's a stress reliever, mainly now. I started when I was young and stupid, tried to quit. But then I guess they became more addictive when I realized how much stress they took from me. I hate it, though."

I pursed my lips together, coming up with a stubborn game to play with him. "Oh, so if you're not so worried about your health, let me try it."

"No, you're going to get addicted and probably get cancer and-" he stopped himself in mid sentence, realizing what I was trying to do. "Fine, try it." He smirked, handing me the cigarette.

I held my breath, not knowing if I should take it or not. Most of the time when I smelt smoke, I ended up gagging. Just imagine what taking it  might actually do to mee. By the look in his eyes, he obvoiously thought I wasn't going to take it, and I needed to prove a point. So I took the cig and pressed it in my mouth, taking in a big huff. Smoke filled my lungs and I immediately began coughing.

My stomach churned and I clenched my mouth, dropping the cigarette and sprinted towards the bathroom. There, I vomited in the toilet. Zayn came dahing in right after me, watching me throw up for a second, then stood behind me and held my hair back. When I finished, my sweaty palms flushed the toilet and I sat back. With my sleeves, I wiped my mouth and let out one more smokey cough. Zayn knelt down on his knees infront of me. My water filled eyes stared deep into his brown ones.

"I'm so sorry, Ariana. Erm..I really shouldn't have let you take that. I'm sorry." He sincerly apologized. I shook my head lightly.

"My fault, don't worry about it." I weakly smiled.

"You just threw up, of course I'm going to worry."

"Zayn, I'm...I'm fine." I coughed out. He sighed, examining my facial expression.

"Just promise me you won't try one again?"

"Promise me you'll try to quit?" I pouted. He held out his pinky, reminding me of a little kid. I smiled, locking my tiny pinky with his.

"Promise." He whispered.