Love Thy Sister (Lesbian Story)

Love Thy Sister (lesbian Story): Chapter 10

Abbey 11:27am

Dear Journal,

I hate fighting with Crystal. It wasn’t until 2am that she decided to stroll in. I had waited up all night for her and she just acted like it was no big deal. I was so angry I could have thrown something at her. She kept going on about how rude it was to just leave someone after taking their virginity. I explained to her that we needed some space so we wouldn’t become all suffocating and she looked at me like I was crazy.

Deep down I know that what I did was wrong, but I didn’t think she would freak out like this and go off in the middle of the night unprotected! When I asked her where she had been she just said she went out. Out?! Ugh, she makes me pissed. What if I needed her? What if she got hurt? I wouldn’t have been able to find her and she didn’t even have her phone with her. I guess I am being unreasonable. I go out all the time with my friends and Crystal never goes anywhere.

It was a really nasty fight. It started in the bedroom, then she ran into the living room and turned on the television, I followed her and kept arguing. Then there was a big blowup. I started crying and she held me close and told me everything would be alright. Crystal always has a way of making things seem ok so I believed her. We went back to our room and just laid there in each other’s arms and slept. This morning we just snuggled and didn’t say much. We both wanted to calm down and sometimes it’s best to stay quiet.

I want to make it up to her though; tonight I want us to go to a restaurant, or maybe to a movie. I just want to make it all up to her. It’s too early in our relationship to start fighting like this. It still feels weird saying the word relationship. It’s one of those things I’m still not fully comfortable with accepting. I haven’t even decided what my sexuality is yet. I mean you can’t decide, but I’m still confused about things. I love guys still, but I love Crystal. If I told Crystal how confused I was I think she would freak out and probably cry. I’ve never even talked about my sexuality with anyone. Not even Crystal really.

It’s like I’m lost in the closet and need the lights on before I can come out. I’m years away from coming out I know that much. My friends would freak if they knew I liked girls, the whole family would have to move out of town if they knew about Crystal and I. I wonder what will happen when we do tell someone. The only person I would tell is Shelly. She’s good with keeping secrets and I don’t think she’s judgmental. She stands up for the few gay people at our school. Coming out to my guy friends would probably be beyond hard. They’d want 3 ways and just give me shit all day about it. Guys can be so disgusting.

Should I be this confused at the beginning of a relationship? Isn’t the beginning of a relationship supposed to be all peaches and cream? That’s the best part of the relationship I hear, the honeymoon phase. Then you learn more about the person and you begin to dislike them. But I know everything about Crystal I mean we’re sisters. Maybe I should try to find some books about incest. They might be able to give me some guidance because right now I’m completely lost.

Or, I could just go on the internet they have everything on the internet. I’ll have to delete my history though because if someone were to put two and two together they would know for sure I was involved romantically with my sister and confused about it. Thank god for the internet it has the answers to everything. Yup, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just go and research some things and all my problems will be solved…maybe.

-Abbey

Crystal 1:09pm

Dear Journal,

Last night was amazing until I got home. I actually had a fun time out. I found one of those cliché coffee shop places and I stayed there for about 2 hours. I met someone there too. That is extremely odd for me; I’m the definition of anti-social. It was really weird how the conversation started. I was just sitting their shyly sipping my cappuccino and I turn to see this girl staring at me. She was gorgeous. Her hair was black and went down to the middle of her back, her skin was a light mocha color, and she had melted chocolate irises, and was dressed in a black turtle neck and jeans. I couldn’t help but stare back. She was holding a thick sketchpad and just staring at me. Of course I had to say something so I just said hi. She apologized for staring at me and she said that my presence has inspired her. She was an artist of course and she was looking for inspiration. I thought it was a bit odd because I don’t find myself that interesting.

She asked if she could draw me and I agreed to it. The drawing was lovely; it was like someone took a picture and slapped it on the page in black and white. We chatted so long we didn’t leave till closing. Her name is Savanna. She just turned 17 and goes to this special high school for the arts. It was so much fun talking to her. At the end of the night (well beginning of the morning) we exchanged numbers. I didn’t want to tell Abbey because I know she would get jealous. I love Abbey with all my heart, but Abbey gets so insecure. I’ve been texting her all morning and we’ve been having this discussion about how people are taking the arts out of schools. It’s so intriguing how a writer and an artist can connect so well.

Abbey and I have always connected on a deep level. More of a protection level though. I protect her and in return she brings me joy. She said she wants to forget all about the fight we had today and just do something really special. She wants to go to a restaurant and then see a movie. I know it might not seem like a big thing to other people but to us it means a lot. I guess it’s because it will be our first time out in public officially as a couple. She’s not ready for the whole public display of affection thing. I’m not much into PDA anyway so it doesn’t bother me…much. I’m truly excited though. We’re seeing some romantic comedy I hope it won’t be cheesy. I despise cheesy anything which is why I despise cliché. If it’s been done before DON’T DO IT AGAIN! At least that’s how I feel. Few people can renovate a classic.

I want to look extra special tonight though. I guess the whole inspiration thing Savanna and I were talking about went to my head. She kept talking about how I had a mysterious look to me. I don’t see it all I see is an average girl, nothing special at all. I didn’t expect such a huge compliment to come from such a stunning person like her. But then again Abbey is stunning as well and always compliments me. Hey, maybe I am attractive after all. I don’t think I’m ugly I just think I’m average. I have a healthy self-esteem not low but not high. People with extremely high self-esteems annoy me honestly I have so much animosity towards egotistical people. Abbey’s self-esteem shifts everyday it seems like.

Abbey has to be the most ambivalent person I have ever met. She can’t make up her mind about anything. That’s always been something I had difficulty accepting. Like when we were little I would have her choose between two board games and it would literally take her hours to decide which one she wanted to play. Every single decision freaks her out. With dating she’s always been lucky and had guys lined up waiting to date her. It was hell when she would come home and ask me what guy she thought was better. When she asked me I would just shrug and tell her it was all up to her. That would just make her upset and she’d stomp out. Mom would always tell her to go with the guy who had the most money. Gold digging bitch. She already has money and she wants her daughter to find someone with money. She repulses me.

Since we live in a rich community everyone has money. At school girls wall down the hall in designer clothes, and guys wear fancy things like suits. It’s kind of sickening if you ask me. I don’t fit in anywhere in my school. I’m one of the only black kids and I wear clothes that you could get on sale at Wal-Mart. I stick out like a sore thumb and everybody knows it. Even the outcasts have their little group, they rejected me of course. Mom tried so hard to get me into name brands. I don’t believe in name brands. All that dolce, Gucci, True Religion and the others are just a big gimmick if you ask me. Abbey on the other hand will wear name brands. She goes for the rocker style so you know that’s expensive.

The fact that I don’t fit in doesn’t bother me much. When I was younger it bothered me to no end, but now I really could care less. It’s fun not fitting in sometimes. I mean you get a lot of attention because everyone wants to stare at the weird kid. You don’t have to worry about keeping up with all your friends because you have none. I think the best thing about being a loner is the fact that you can do whatever you want and not care. Not caring about what others think is the best thing in the world. Once you stop caring about what other people have to say, you’re so free and it feels beyond incredible.

I care about what Abbey thinks though. I try to impress her as much as I can, and it usually works. Speaking of impressing Abbey, I should start getting dressed. We’re leaving soon and I’m still in the clothes I wore the night before. Ew, I need a shower badly. Well I shall write in you later seeing as though I’ve written on about 3 pages and a half and I can’t seem to stop. So goodbye my paper safe, may you keep all my thoughts a secret.

-The not caring Crystal