Some Day We Might (Muke)

Chapter Seven

"Morning!" A familiar peppy voice screams into my ear. I feel a soft pillow make contact with my face. I blink open my eyes to see a curly haired boy, smiling with dimples as deep as the Mariana Trench. 

"Fuck you." I groan. "When did you get so happy?" I say, but instantly feel bad for saying it. I don't want him to think I'm mocking him or being a dick.

Thankfully, he just smiles. "I'm not as bad as you guys think. Sure, I'm not completely fine, but I might as well try to be. I know how much it'll mean to you guys if I do."

Luke, who woke up to the same screaming and pillow hitting, sits up. "It does mean a lot. And I'm happy that you're happy. Or at least happier. Or trying, whatever." He chuckles.

"I was thinking we could go to the beach...?"

Luke looks out the window and squints his eyes. "Why is it a little dark out?"

Ashton bites his lip. "It's 5am."

Normally, I'd be pretty pissed, but I start to laugh. "Why are you waking us up at 5am to go to the beach?"

"Have you ever seen a sunrise? And we can get coffee. Plus, it's not as hot in the morning, it's like 18 degrees out right now." 

"Is Cal up?" I ask.

Ashton nods. "Yeah. We've packed a blanket and everything. You don't even have to get dressed, just wear your pyjamas."

"Alright." Luke says. "Let's go then." He looks at me and smiles. This is such an Ashton thing to do. We're slowly getting our Ash back.

(p.s 18 degrees Celsius is about 65 degrees Fahrenheit, I think.)

- - - -

Ashton drove us to one of the local beaches after picking up Starbucks and some of their egg sandwiches. It's completely empty here, and the wind makes it feel pretty chilly. I brought a jacket, but Luke is standing in some striped pyjama bottoms and a thin grey t-shirt with, hugging his arms for warmth. 

I smile at him and hold my arms open. "Come here." 

He huddles into my arms and starts to laugh. "What is this, a sappy Nicholas Sparks movie?"

"Hey, you're the idiot who didn't bring a jacket."

We set the blanket up pretty close to the water, but make sure it isn't close enough to get wet. We sit down moments before the sun starts to rise.

"I hate to get all cheesy on you guys," Ashton starts, "But I just want to let you know how lucky I am to have you all in my life. I wouldn't be here without you guys...which you already know."

I can see Calum getting all teary eyed. He sniffles and wipes at his eyes. "Ugh, fuck you man for making me cry so much this past week." He starts to laugh,

Ashton attacks us all with a group hug. "I'm really going to try, you guys. I promise."

"We know." Luke says. "You already are trying. That's all we can ask from you right now."

We watch the sun rise slowly, and drink our coffees and eat our breakfast sandwiches. Things are starting to look up, but for some reason I still have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach--a numb feeling in my chest.

I'm not getting any better. I'm confused about Luke, I'm dreading seeing my dad, and I still hate a lot of things about myself. And there's no way anyone is ever going to love me if I don't love myself. Especially Luke. And, fuck, none of them really know how bad I was three years ago. I never mentioned it. I always played it off as if it was just minor. They've never seen the cuts on my upper thighs.