Some Day We Might (Muke)

Chapter Nine

Luke's mum puts an air mattress on his floor for me to sleep on. The minute she leaves, though, Luke says, "You can sleep in my bed, but it's good just in case she's suspicious." He smiles at me.

I can't stop thinking about how suddenly things happened. Maybe it wasn't really all sudden. I mean, it doesn't happen like they portray it in the movies, and we've been harboring feelings for each other for almost two years. I'm glad that he decided to speak up, because I sure as hell wouldn't have any time soon. I also feel guilty knowing there is so much I haven't told him. I don't know if he'd still want to be with me if he knew anything about me.

I wish being with him could instantly make me happier, like people seem to think it would. But that's just not how it works. It's all in my own head. It's me, it's my dad, and it's everyone else out there that makes me feel like shit-because I'm not anything special. I know I'm not good enough, even though I try to be. As long as Luke is distracting me from my own thoughts, I should be fine. I should be able to function.

He's laying down on his bed staring at me right now. "What are you staring at?" I ask, pretending to be rude.

"You, fuckface." He jokes back.

I put both my middle fingers up, but he laughs at me a motions for me to sit with him. I crawl onto the bed and sit by him, shoulder to shoulder.

"Are we going to tell Ashton and Calum? About us?" I ask.

"If you want. I don't think they'll really care." He shrugs.

"I don't know. Maybe not yet...I want...I want to take things slow if that's okay." Because I'm afraid of losing you if we get in too deep.

"Of course it's okay." He smiles and nudges me with his shoulder.

"And our main focus needs to be Ashton right now."

Luke sighs. "I hope he really is getting better. Even just a little." He shakes his head. "I hate seeing him like this. I don't know how much of it I can handle anymore."

I stare at the wall. "Me either." More than you know.

He leans his head on my shoulder. "The worst part is that there isn't much we can do about it. It's all up to him. And that scares me."

"I bet it scares him too." I say. It used to scare me knowing how much power I had over whether or not I would stay in this world. It still does.

"We need to do as much as we can to distract him from everything." Luke starts to think. "Maybe we can go on a road trip? Just us four."

"If he's up for it, which I'm sure he will be." I say.

"Michael, how are you doing?" He asks, now playing with my hands. "I feel like I don't ask you that enough."

"I'm alright." I lie. "Honestly."

"Promise?"

I nod. "Promise."

- - - -

Luke and I are meeting up with the lads at a restaurant called Bodega. We had a difficult time getting seats, but finally got a table for four. It's super busy here tonight.

I sip on my soda and listen to Calum and Ashton's conversation about potatoes.

"Potatoes are not a vegetable, god Calum!" Ashton says, seeming oddly passionate about potatoes.

"Yes they are!"

"No, they're a starch!" Ashton turns to Luke. "Aren't they?"

"Why are you asking me? I have no idea."