Some Day We Might (Muke)

Chapter Eighteen

It doesn't feel good to be home. The trip was supposed to be a way for us to get our heads together, but instead it just fucked with our minds even more. We were supposed to come home feeling better even if things weren't "fixed." But now we're only here because things took a turn for the worst.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

"Michael, sweetheart, could you help me get this heavy box from the garage?" Luke's mum asks from the bedroom door.

"Yeah, of course." I say, and follow her out. Luke's in the shower right now. He's been in there for a while, so he's either crying or having a wank. I don't want to think of him doing either.

I take one end of the box while Liz takes the other and we carry it into the living room. "Jeez, what's in that?" I ask.

"Clothes." She says.

"Clothes?" I say. "How do clothes weigh that much?"

She shrugs. "They're mostly winter coats. I'm giving them to charity. I've been meaning to get them out of here, just haven't had the time. But thank you for helping, love."

"No problem." I say, and start to walk back to the room.

"Michael?" Liz says.

"Y-yeah?" I turn around.

"Promise me you'll take care of Luke. He won't admit it, but he doesn't take things like this easily. I just need him to be okay. I know you're his best friend, so I need you to be there for him. Can you promise me that?"

"I, uh--yeah, I promise." I say, nodding quickly. I've just promised to take care of someone else when I can't even take care of myself. But Luke means the world to me, and if anyone thinks even for a second that I won't do everything in my power to make sure he's alright, well they are dead wrong.

"Thank you." She says sincerely.

I nod at her and go back to the room, sitting on the bed feeling slightly unnerved as usual. It's become a constant feeling now--except when I'm with Luke. He keeps me somewhat sane.

I feel a buzzing in my pocket, and pull out my phone to see Ashton's caller ID show up. I answer immediately. "Hey Ash."

"Hi."

"You doing okay?"

"Not really. I just need someone to talk to."

"Okay, yeah...but w-why me? Not that I don't want to talk, I just--I'm not the best at giving advice or comfort--"

"I just know you've had a shitty past, from what you've told me before. And somehow you're here now, and you're doing fine--" Wrong. "--And I..." He sighs. "I guess I just need to know if it really does get better."

"It does." I lie. Well, I'm not really lying. It just hasn't exactly gotten better for me. But I can't say that. "You just have to--you know, push through it--even if it's hard-- and think of Harry and Lauren, and us and the fans...so many people who are behind you, waiting to catch you if you fall."

He's silent for a while before he speaks again. "I don't want to talk to someone, but...I don't really know what else I'll do. And I can't do this to my family anymore. It's not fair to them."

"Only you can decide whether you do or not. It's up to you, Ash."

"I know...hey, I have to go. Calum's trying to re-bandage my arms."

"Okay, I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." He hangs up.

I sit for a moment, feeling guilty as hell. I'm lying so much, and now I've begun taking on everyone else's problems in an attempt to avoid my own. It's just better that way. My problems can't affect me if I ignore them.