kookie's diary || vkook ✔️

09.

       jungkook covered himself with a blanket and hugged himself tightly. the thought of what happened earlier continued penetrating his mind, torturing it, making him continuously suffer. he trembles, he shakes, not because of fear, rather because the memory of his lips on him kept replaying in his mind nonstop. tears started falling but he wiped it as soon as he felt his cheeks getting wet.

       it was totally unintentional. when he pushed jimin, he did not intend it. mixture of emotions were stirring in his heart when he was reminded of a certain scene that happened when he was the least expecting it. it broke his heart, realizing that he had hurt his best friend because of it, but what hurts him the most is that he feels really shit because he's reminded of how things happened yet it amounted to nothing. but he has no rights to complain. it was his decision to stay away.

       the raven-haired lad clutched the blanket tightly, hands trembling, his tears threatening to fall once again. when he was slowly stitching up the wounds, the world was ready to open them up, to make them sore once again. it was fucking annoying, how he was supposed to be forgetting him— no, these weird feelings for him, these annoying, fluttering feeling in his stomach whenever he would see the boy, but the environment he's moving around kept on reminding him that he and kim taehyung shared a lot of extraordinary experiences together. the world seems to hate how he's trying to forget about taehyung and so, it decides to torture him.

      jungkook likes taehyung, he admits to that, but right now, he just wants to deny it. he wants to deny to himself that he's actually feeling something for the handsome older boy. he wants to deny it so badly, he wants to deny the feelings he's having because it just pains him so much and he has no idea of what to do because it freaking hurts already. the possibility of the other boy feeling the same way is almost zero, or zero at all, yet he keeps on hurting himself, secretly hoping at times that maybe taehyung likes him back. but despite everything they've done together, jungkook is sure that he's just a toy for the other. the brunette for sure is uninterested in him; he's not into the type of guy jungkook is. and that fact stabs him hard in the chest. so that's why he just stays away.

      he kicked the blanket out of his way, sat on his bed cross-legged and raked a hand on his hair, tugging it, a gesture he does when he's completely frustrated about all the bullshit happening in his life right now. he stood up and walked towards his desk, sitting on it as he took out the diary he substituted for the missing one.

02-13-14

diary,
  life is such a stupid thing. it is very stupid.

  i feel myself weakening right now. shit, even just writing this turns me into a fucking emotional mess. the world liked to see me suffering, doesn't it? it liked to constantly remind me of those things that i should've forgotten a long time ago. it liked to slap on my face the fact that i'm a very fucked up guy. i don't wanna cry, but these stupid tears kept on betraying me.

why am i still hurting after all the efforts i put in to forget him? why do i still have these annoying feelings for him?

why do i still like kim taehyung so much?

night.

-jjk

     and he closed the journal, trying his best to forget everything and get a wink of sleep.

●●●

"hey, you okay?" jimin asked him. jungkook snapped out of his thoughts and faced the older.