It's 12:17 AM, the light from her phone glows amidst the darkness of the room that enveloped her like a blanket. She was still awake. She couldn't put herself to sleep, no, not with all these loud thoughts screaming inside her head. She kept scrolling through social medias, trying to distract herself from the deafening screeches of her anxiety, telling her that she deserves none of the good things in this world. Her heart was empty but somehow managed to be filled with hatred, with anger, and with loneliness.
"I won't cry." She whispers to herself, convincing herself that she was okay, and that maybe everything she's feeling was temporary. "I'm sleep-deprived." She continued convincing herself. That's what she's good at anyway, telling herself that all's good when in all honesty everything is falling apart.
It's 12:23 AM, she placed her phone down and realized the lies she kept telling herself. Quiet sobbing filled the pitch black room. No one but her knew what drowned her during this times of her life. Only she, alone, could fix herself. But with this feeling of emptiness, she had no idea, despite her cleverness, how to help herself. She then settled that crying was okay. Maybe she just needed to remove all these bottled up emotions.
It's 12:34 AM, staring blankly at the darkness, she mumbled to herself, "I didn't want to be sad."
