average life for the maple leafs

chappy 10: the abductions

July 22, somewhere in Canada
5:26PM

   "Where am I?" Auston asked himself, waking in a foggy daze after hearing some kind of loud noise, looking into a blur of white. Up? Down? He couldn't feel his body, never mind where the force of gravity was pulling him. All he could feel was a cold, prickling sensation on his arm and a sheet of warm metal underneath him.
   "That should do it..." he heard an unrecognizable voice from behind him say.
   "That should do...?" Auston mumbled, and closed his eyes again, falling back asleep.

"Wake up... Wake up, Auston... WAKE THE HELL UP, WE CAN'T LOSE YOU TOO!"
Auston shot up from his slumber to a wide-eyed Zach Hyman, almost nose to nose with him.
"What the hell, man?" Auston said as he sat up on the operating table and rubbed his eyes. "Where am I?!"
Zach looked him in the eyes solemnly.
"The hospital. You were unconscious, like the rest of us. I was the only one who didn't get hurt badly... But I saw it all..."
Auston sneered at him. "What are you talking about?! Where's everyone else? What the hell happened?"
"There's no way you're going to believe me, but..." Zach trailed off and glanced around conspicuously. "The entire team...—Auston looked around—LOOK AT ME! We were abducted by aliens!"
   They stared at each other for a few seconds, then Auston burst out laughing.
   "ALIENS? ZACH, YOU'VE LOST YOUR MIND! YOU'RE KIDDING RIGHT?"
   Zach's eyebrows narrowed, and his eyes darkened. "Then where are Bozie, Polak, Komarov, Martin, Moore, JvR and... And the other guys no one cares about?"
   When Auston couldn't answer, Zach gave him a sad look.
   "But— wait... IS THAT JOHN TAVARES?" Auston choked out. "Over there!" Zach nodded.
   "The aliens... I talked to them. They said they wanted some of the team and that they were going to take them. No reasoning with them. But they agreed to give us some players from other teams in return. So there's Tavares and a few other guys. Don't try to talk to Mitch. He's not handling it all so well..."
   Suddenly, all throughout the hospital's intercom system, a familiar drum beat started.
   "No... not again," Zach cried. A bass guitar. Oh no. Auston grimaced and they both looked at each other.
   "OWWWWW!!!" the intercom yelled.
   "Mitch has been hacking the Bluetooth and playing this song all day to annoy me," Zach yelled over the intercom's blaring Chelsea Dagger. "He thinks that I was the one to give away Matt Martin so he wants to punish me."
   As if on cue, Mitch ran in the room with a megaphone in his hand and glared at Zach.
   "WELL YA MUST BE A GIRL WITH SHOES LIKE THat— Auston? AUSTON!" He paused the music from his phone, ran to Auston, and gave him a bear hug. Tears flowed down his face.
   "You survived!" Mitch exclaimed. Auston and Zach exchanged looks.
"No one died, Mitch," Zach proclaimed. Mitch glared at him, unconvinced.
"I still don't believe that we got abducted, by aliens nonetheless. That's just so stupid of you to think I'd believe that," Auston said. Mitch looked at him, wide-eyed and about to tell him everything, but luckily for Auston, a nurse came in the room.
"Please excuse me, but your friend Kasperi is stable, you can go see him now," the nurse alerted, an exasperated tone in his voice. "He's still very confused, and only replies to 'The Big Cheese'. Good luck."

The three walked into Kappy's room. Mitch rushed to him and hugged him, a giant grin on his face. Willy Nylander was already in the room with a friendly bouquet of flowers and a card, crying tears of concern in the corner.
"KAPPY! I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY!" Mitch said as he hugged tighter. Kasperi frowned and pushed away.
"Bitch, I'm the Big Cheese."
Auston, Zach, and Will looked at each other and Will frowned even more. "He's been like this ever since he woke up!" Will said through sobs. "He won't *sniff* call me anything other than Teeth and he can't answer simple questions. Did the nurse *sniff* say anything about when he'd snap out of it?"
"Nope. Hopefully soon..." Auston said as Kappy dumped his paper cup of water on Mitch's head.
"Hey Big Cheese—" Zach started.
"THE Big Cheese," Kappy corrected, not even bothering to turn to look at him. Zach bit his lip, wryly smiled, and continued. "Okay, THE Big Cheese, do you remember who I am, and can I ask you a few questions?"
Kasperi sneered.
"I don't know, CAN you, Nose?" he replied as he turned around and flicked him in the schnoz. Zach inhaled sharply.
"Let me try. What's two plus two?" Auston cut in.
"Still less than your fivehead."
"Come here you little shit, say it to my fa—"
"Auston, it's no use. He's not even himself anymore," Zach said. Will wailed even louder. "It's okay, Willy...Let's just go see if Morgan and Nazem are awake yet."

Will, Mitch, Auston, and Zach walked over to Nazem's hospital room, leaving Kasperi to his own devices. An angry nurse stormed out of the room as they approached the door, red ink all over her dress, and Nazem was laughing his ass off from the bed.
"Hey, Naz!" Auston said as he stepped through the threshold. "Why'd you go and get the pretty nurse mad?"
"Shit's funny, the dumbass fell for my prank," Nazem replied as he flicked an empty pen onto the floor. "And they got an IV in my arm but I don't need it..." he said, glaring at the tube protruding from his forearm. "Can't move though. I don't even remember why I'm here. What happened? Was I that wasted?"
"No," Zach said, almost as if he had been waiting for him to ask. "You won't believe me..."
Auston rolled his eyes and sighed. "He thinks we were abducted by aliens 'cause some of our team is missing, and we apparently now have John Tavares on our team." Nazem spat out his gum into a nearby sink and looked at Zach and then at Auston. "The fuck? We got J.T.? Damn, who cares then?"
Mitch choked on air.
"MATT IS GONE! JVR IS GONE! BOZIE... UNCLE LEO... ALL GONE!" Mitch screamed and burst into tears. A few doctors and assistants glanced through the open door.
"Kid, it was just a joke—"
"MATT'S GONE..." Mitch pushed back past Will and ran out of the room, hot tears pouring down his face. They all awkwardly looked at each other.
"Okay, well we're going to go check up on Mo then back up on Kappy 'cause Kap's not been... himself," Auston said. "So we'll see you again when we leave. Bye, Naz."
"Bye guys, have fun."

Morgan wasn't there. The same nurse who was the victim of Nazem's antics ran out of the defenseman's room with a horrified look on her face and started to try to explain to a doctor his disappearance. Auston and the rest of the group (besides Mitch) overheard.
"He was right in there five minutes ago! I swear on my life! Someone would have seen him walk out!" She started crying. The doctor tried to calm her down, but it didn't help.
"Hey, ma'am," Zach said as he rushed over to her and put his hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, the one in that room, he does that sometimes." She looked at him with huge, confused eyes.
"Look, he left a note on his bed," Will pointed out from the hallway. He walked over to the bed and read the note aloud: "Thirsty." He looked at the others. "That's literally all it says."
Auston walked over to it as well. "There must be some cryptic message on here or something." He snatched the note from Will and studied it, flipping it over and turning it upside-down.
"What are you doing?" Morgan asked from behind a linen closet door, right behind the two. Will screamed and held onto Auston. "May you let me out? There doesn't seem to be water in here."
Auston pried Willy off of him and opened the door behind them. Morgan walked out as if he didn't just accidentally lock himself in a closet and took a seat on his bed. The nurse fainted in Zach's arms.
"Hello. Do you all remember?" Mo asked.
"YES!" Zach said as he dropped the lady and ran inside the room. "THE ABDUCTION?"
"Yes," Morgan replied, coolly. "I remember it all well. I may have been knocked out, but I recall you, Zach, relaying information about the team to the Officials." Zach nodded in confirmation. Auston's eyebrows furrowed in utter disbelief.
"And I know that everyone that was kept by the Officials is safe and will be transferred to other teams accordingly," Morgan continued. "I sense a frightened aura around Mitchell, so tell him that Matt Martin is alright and heading to the New York Islanders." Auston and Will nodded.
"One more thing before you leave," he added. "Kasperi will not act like this forever, it is only due to his birthday-is-tomorrow cockiness. Do not fret, William. Despite his alter-ego's remarks, he still thinks that your teeth are fine and that you're cute. Now go find Mitchell, and we shall leave when Nazem's IV pump is taken out."