just a spoof of a fanfic for the Toronto Maple Leafs. if you were looking for some Mitch smut, you've come to the wrong place, buddy.
this is intended to be humorous and for entertainment purposes only, none of this is true except the wins and the...
October 7th, Chicago, Illinois 10:32PM 7-6 Leafs, OT (Game 3)
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"That was quite a game," Auston said after sticking his bag above his seat and spraying it with an entire can of Febreeze, breaking the awkward silence of boarding the bus. "Yeah," Mitch agreed from the seat behind him as Auston sat down. Kasperi sat on the seat across from Auston and looked around at the others, despondently. "How can we even celebrate?" he asked to no one in particular. He sighed and turned to look out the window. "Willy, where are you?" "Would you stop moping about Will? He decided not to sign," Nazem said to him. "It's not like you could've convinced—" "I COULD HAVE!" Kappy interrupted, turning back around, grabbing Nazem by the shirt, and erupting into tears. "It must've been something I said!" He started crying harder when John Tavares boarded the bus along with the rest of the team. "Why is he crying?" JT whispered to Nazem. "He's sad that Nylander hasn't signed with us again." "It's JOHN'S FAULT!" Kappy screeched. JT pursed his lips and looked at the others blankly. "If YOU didn't sign, Willy would've been offered a contract with as much money as he wanted," he said, accusingly jabbing his finger in JT's direction as he let go of Naz's collar. "I don't think that's my fault," John said, awkwardly. "I think I could be beneficial to this team as well." "Just put your stuff away and don't make it worse," Auston whispered to him. He turned to Kappy and spoke up. "Kap, we're just going to have to go on without him. There's not much else we can do." Kasperi nodded and beckoned Auston to come closer so that he could whisper into his ear. Auston exchanged looks with the others, who just shrugged along with him. "Yeah?" Auston whispered to Kappy. "I don't know if I like Tavares yet. He's really awkward." Auston tried to contain his laughter and whispered back, "What?" He held his hand up to his ear. "That's it? I thought you were going to confess your love for—" Suddenly, a truck started up and sped its way toward the bus from across the now dark parking lot of the United Center, leaving a black trail of burnt rubber behind it. "What the hell?" The truck, a Hummer, came to a screeching halt directly in front of the bus. A shorter figure got out of the enormous vehicle and ran up to the bus, and then up the stairs of the bus, pushing his way through Josh Leivo to get to Auston. "Would you STOP DOING THAT!" a very pissed off Patrick Kane yelled at Auston Matthews. "We get it! You won! Fuck off!" "What–" Another figure, taller, ran up the bus stairs after Kane, also pushing Josh Leivo, who was now on the floor. "Kaner, what are you doing?" Jonathan Toews asked, concernedly, with his hands on his hips. "Just join the party," Auston mumbled as Tazer proceeded to chastise Kaner in the middle of the bus aisle. Just then, Morgan Reilly came from the kitchen with a batch of muffins and an apron on. "Who wants MUFFINS?! Oh, hey JT!" Toews stopped and smiled at Morgan. "Hi!" Toews and Tavares said in unison. Morgan furrowed his brows. "No, I meant Johnny," Toews and Tavares exchanged looks. "Hi!" they said again. "Not you," he said as he pointed to Jonathan. He frowned. Kaner was now happily chatting with Mitchy, and Tazer moved on to scavenging their pantry for pasta while everyone else chomped away at the fluffy, delectable muffins crafted perfectly by Morgan. Kappy, overwhelmed by the sudden chaos reigning in the bus, stood on top of his chair and yelled over the din. "I DID! I LOVED HIM!" The bus went silent and everyone stared at Kap. "Uh... That was a prank. Jussa prank, bros. Just a..." He ran off the bus into the parking lot. "Don't go to the south side!" Kaner yelled from the window as Kappy kept running. Kaner sniffed and turned back around to face the others. "I hope he heard me. If he doesn't come back, he's probably in a Dumpster." "Why are you still here?" Auston asked Pat and Jonny. "Iunno," Toews replied as he filled a pot with water and put it on a burner. He took a seat on the couch next to Kaner as he waited for it to boil. John and Auston frowned. After a little bit, Jake Gardiner came out of the bathroom into the main room. Tazer nudged Kaner. "That's the guy that had a negative five plus/minus in last year's playoffs," he whispered. Kane looked at him with wide eyes. "So that's why he has such a long face..." They snickered and Jake glared at them. A few minutes later, Dermott walked into the kitchen and stared at the stovetop. "How the fuck do you burn spaghetti." "What?!" Toews said as he shot up from the couch. "I didn't even put it in the pot!" "I dunno? Like, it's just... Strewn about on the stove, burning," he said, watching Toews desperately turn the burner off and save the non-burnt pieces. "Why would you do that?, just throw the spaghetti all over the stove." "I didn't do it on purpose, I mean obviously. Whatever. I can just throw it—" "ABSOLUTELY NOT. Wasting food is never okay," Travis spat out, abhorred. "You'll eat it all." Jonny looked at him with a bleak expression. "I'm not eat—" "Yes, you will." "They're not even cooked yet! They're just black sticks now! Like they came off a tree!" Tazer tried to reason. Dermott shook his head and put an oven mitt on. "Well then," he said as he scooped up the blackened spaghetti, dropped it into the pot and then turned the burner back on. "You'll eat it cooked." Kaner came over to inspect, and Toews took a deep breath and looked at him. "Mmm, floppy tree branches, my favorite." "Oh come on, don't even try to act like the foods you eat taste any better. On the off-season I caught you eating a grapefruit, like, whole," Pat said. Dermott looked at Toews, disgusted. Tazer mimicked the expression and exclaimed, "What's wrong with grapefruits?!", loud enough for the rest to hear. The entire bus stared at him. "What? They taste good." "Where are the enforcers?" Auston asked. "Oh wait— well, I'm just gonna have to ask you nicely, get out." "But my—" "Get out. Shoo. Grapefruits are horrible and you are too. Out." Auston got up and grabbed Toews and pushed him out of the bus by force. "BUT MY TREE BRANCHES!" Toews cried out, now from the ground. "No, Tazer wait for me!" Kaner said as he scrambled off the bus, evading Auston and pushing Leivo off with him and into a puddle. The bus promptly sped off. "Why does this happen?" Josh cried out from the puddle. "I know right? I'm still not an assistant captain," Kane replied as he hopped in his 'aquamarine' Hummer. "Jonny, want a ride? It's kinda chilly." "Sure! But don't insult grapefruits." "No. They taste like shit." "Please don't leave me," Josh shouted from the ground. Kane and Toews exchanged looks. "You need to make at least eight million a year to sit in here, sorry kid. You can sit in the bed if you want, though." Kane shouted back. "Thank you!" he said and ran to the back. It started raining. "So, do you think that Kapanen kid's gonna be alright?" Pat asked Jonny. "No, not really. We should probably go look for him." Jonny replied, bluntly. Kaner stared off into space at the steering wheel for a second. "Yeah, probably. Let's go find him," he said, and they went off to search for him with Josh in the back.
