Above

12

Estelle
I decided to skip dinner, as I wasn't very hungry.
Instead of going to the mess hall, sitting with my friends, eating this heavenly squirrel stew everyone loves, I went onto the top of some apartment building, sitting at the top and looking down.
The cold didn't really bother me, I was too deep into my thoughts to really notice.
I had never really been self-conscious ever, I didn't really see a point in hating something you couldn't change, but right now, I was up to my ears in insecure thoughts.
'Maybe you really are a pansy.' My brain teases. 'Can't really keep anyone safe, you're going to kill everyone that even looks at you.'
I close my eyes, hoping to shut out the awful thoughts, but that just made it louder.
'Every single person that died in South-side was because you were too selfish to turn yourself in.' My head throbs. 'Now they died in vain, because you still won't turn yourself in, you're a disgusting home-wrecker.'
My hand swipes across my wet cheek, wiping away a few tears.
'Maybe if you just left and never came back, you can offer salvation to all these innocent people.'
A soft sob escapes my lips, making an appearance in the cold air.
I push the thoughts to the back of my mind, trying to calm myself.
Someone drapes a coat over my shoulders.
"I don't need a coat, Dad." I turn.
"I usually go by Leeciy, but Dad's okay." Leeciy grins. "And yes, you do need a coat, your lips are blue." He sits beside me, letting his legs dangle off the side.
We're silent for a minute, his eyes down on his feet.
"I think I might be broken." I whisper, looking down at my lap
I feel his eyes on the side of my head. "How so?"
I'm suddenly too embarrassed to speak, so I just sit silently.
"If it's because of you-know-who, that's understandable, he died young."
Everyone usually avoids saying August's name around me, like it'll trigger some panic attack.
"It's not, actually." I say, meeting his gaze.
"Penny for your thoughts." He says, in a slightly joking tone.
"I killed South-side." I murmur. "Then August, now Annaliesee is captured because of me, I'm a murderer "
He opens his mouth to speak.
"I ruin and end lives, Leeciy." I say, louder now. "They all died for me and what do I do? I don't even turn myself in, that's what they would've wanted."
"Don't ever even say that." He says. "They died because the government has a shitty way of handling things, you didn't cause anything, they captured you first, you just got away."
"If I would've stayed, South-side would be thriving, and August would still be living." I say, matching his low tone.
"As selfish as it sounds, you wouldn't have ever met me." He says. "Or Annaliesee, Or Fran, Or the real happy Luca, Or September, Or Cirus. Life wouldn't be the same without you. Not for anyone, you're like a disease of happiness."
"That was some improper English." I try and joke.
He doesn't laugh. "I'm serious, you shouldn't ever doubt yourself, because people care about you, a lot of people."
"Okay." I meet his gaze.
He grins. "Good."
"Should we head back in?" I ask.
He shivers. "Please."
***
I'm awoken by September.
"Wrenton is here." He simply says, before slipping out of the room.
I push myself out of bed, walking over to the closet and grabbing my training clothes.
I slip out of my pajamas and into the tight pants and tank top, which was made for dodge training.
I grab a hair-tie and put my hair into a ponytail.
"We don't have forever!" Wrenton calls through the door.
"You can come in, I'm decent." I call back.
The door creaks slightly as it opens.
I glance over.
His arms were crossed, his foot impatiently tapping. "C'mon princess, you don't need makeup to train."
I slip on my shoes. "Not wearing makeup."
"Are you ready now?" He asks.
I nod, walking behind him out the door.
***
The fire station hall was empty, so we got straight to work.
Wrenton doesn't go easy, and he's kind of a dick.
"Lift this." He says, placing a decently sized rock in front of me.
"I'm not Luke Skywalker." I say. "And you're not Yoda."
"What?" He quirks a brow. "Whatever, just lift the rock." He says.
I close my eyes, bend down, and put my hand up, focusing.
"Oof." Wrenton huffs. 
I open my eyes and see Wrenton on the wall, the rock pressing into his stomach.
I put my hand down and it lands on his fancy leather shoes.
"Ow!" He yells. "Those are my toes!"
I snort, covering my mouth.
"Estelle! This isn't funny!" He yells. 
I laugh, leaning my head back.
He pushes the rock of his feet, glaring at me.
"Sorry." I say, snickering.
He scoffs. "It's whatever, I have another task."
"What is it?" I ask.
"Jarmie!" He yells.
A small woman walks out of the cafeteria.
"You know what to do." He says.
She nods, smiling.
"Who's this?" I ask.
She picks up the biggest rock from the corner, which is where Wrenton had stacked a load of rocks.
She chucks the rock like it were a penny, right at me.
I close my eyes, preparing for skull-shattering impact.
When the impact doesn't come, I pry open one of my eyes.
The rock was floating about an inch in front of me. 
Wrenton applauds slowly, as if it were a joke.
I step away from the stone and it falls, splitting in half. "How am I doing?"
Jarmie grins, looking at me in a motherly manner. "I feel as if you're doing very well."
"You're right Jarmie, she's doing exquisite." He says.
Jarmie giggles, covering her thin lips.
He looks over at me. "Training Ms. Zaveri is going to be easier than I thought."