Can't Remember To Forget You

Epilogue

*Four Years Later...*

"So what brings you two in today?" The doctor asks, looking at me.

"Well," I begin as my hands become clammy and I suddenly feel nervous.

Harry takes my hand into his and holds it on his lap while he speaks up for me. "Avery isn't getting pregnant, and we'd just like to know if there's anything else we can do to..."

He squeezes my hand reassuringly, and the doctor nods. "This is a very common occurrence, so don't rule out a natural pregnancy just yet. Just to get some answers, however, I'd like to take a few tests, if you don't mind Avery."

I nod wearily, and sit there as he ushers Harry out of the room so we can begin. He does an ultrasound, makes me do a urine test, and asks me about my menstrual cycle. Then I tell him about the miscarriage I had and how I had cancer for a short period of time, and that seems to get him thinking.

"Well, Avery, sometimes having a miscarriage can do some damage, and you also mentioned you went through chemo briefly... that could be a cause. But let's run these tests and see where we're at with your fertility... see if you're producing enough eggs, and making sure you're ovulating."

I nod once more and wait impatiently as he leaves the room to do whatever he needs to do. I wish Harry was still back here with me.

It feels like hours have passed by the time the doctor returns, and I've bitten seven out of ten nails down to the quick out of nervousness. I've tried to think positive, but I have everything working against me. What if I can't get pregnant? Will Harry regret marrying me? Would he rather be with a woman who can give him a child?

I begin biting at my thumb nail in anticipation for what the doctor has to say. It seems as if he's moving in slow motion as he sits and looks through his papers.

I finally guess my fate once he turns to look at me with a sad expression and runs a hand through his gray hair. "Avery, I'm terribly sorry..."

**

The drive home from the doctors lasted too long. I hadn't cried yet, and I hadn't spoken either. Harry had kept quiet too, but I knew we both had a lot going on in each of our minds.

Harry and I have come so far since the day we met, and the only thing I was thinking in the moment was that it was all for nothing-Harry will want kids of his own, and I can't give that to him, so he'll leave me and go find someone who can. I'll be heartbroken... I won't be able to move on if he leaves me. He's the only one for me.

I finally start to cry at the terrible thought.

"Avery," Harry sighs, immediately taking my two small hands in his larger one. "It's going to be okay, don't cry baby."

That only triggered a full on sob. How could he not be mad?

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I choked out, pulling my hands from his to cover my face.

Harry didn't say anything, but pulled to the side of the road as soon as he got the chance and put the car in park. I become confused once he got out of the car, rounded the front and came to open my door. He grabbed my hips so that I was facing him and bent so we were eye level.

"Look at me, Avery," he demanded and I reluctantly obliged. He took my teary, make-up smeared cheeks into his hands and looked into my eyes. "Don't ever apologize for this again. If I hear you say you're sorry again I'll get very angry, got it? This is not your fault, and you will not be apologizing to anyone. I know you're scared and upset, but we'll get through it, all right? We've made it this far together, and gone through a lot worse. I'm not going anywhere, and we'll work through this."