END LEN POV:
Julia sat there in front of the bed. Her son was on so many wires with a breathing tube and it barely looked like him. Denzel came in carrying papers from meeting with the life insurance company. The ER doctor entered. "Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Harperton. So, the good news is we're moving him to an ICU bed. The bad news is that that is the best outlook," the doctor looked at the ground. "Leonard went into complete cardiac arrest. His heart completely stopped pumping and he went in to a full coma. There's no evidence of drug abuse or previous illness. I see he has previously been treated for anorexia nervosa," he raises his voice. Denzel nods. "I can undoubtedly say that this is the cause. We had to restart his heart and put a pacemaker in. His weight is 61.5 pounds, which puts him far below a deadly body mass index, quite honestly it's a medical mystery that he's made it this far," he says. "What's the outlook," Julia chokes. "I am going to be completely honest with you. I would begin funeral preparations now, if that's how you would go about things. If he doesn't wake up within the next 3 days, I'd reccommend turning off the machines. He wouldn't be alive right now without them and if he doesn't come back, he'll be a dead body kept alive by medical tools," Julia wails as she hears the words. "So, this is it?" Denzel trembles. "My son is eighteen years old, intelligent, and a kind soul and something we could've prevented is going to kill him?!" He yells at the doctor. "We're going to connect you with grief support groups," the doctor says as both the parents scream and yell incoherently. Julia and Denzel stay by Len's bedside in the ICU all night. Ruth brought Halima and Isa by. "Mommy, is Len gonna be able to come to my party still?" Halima tugged at Julia's shirt. "Girls, we need to talk to you," Denzel begins but Isa is looking at him, nodding. "If your brother doesn't wake up in the next two days, he never will. He's only being kept alive by the machines. But, we need you to stay positive and remember all the happy times with Len," Julia tries to smile. "I'm so sorry I couldn't help you," Isa runs over to grab his hand. She sees his chest barely rising and falling. "It's all over isn't it?" she asks her parents. Halima and Isa stay there and agree to help with planning Len's funeral. Isa is ironically the most visibly upset. Suddenly a sound is heard. It's brief but unmistakeable. "Hmmmm"
They all whip around. "What why am I h-" Len began to talk and slowly his eyes opened. He fell back asleep, but Halima ran over and shook him. "Len stay awake, stay awake Lenny," she screamed. Slowly, he turned to her smiling, but it quickly faded.
"No no no no no no no," he cried
"Leonard, oh my god, you're here, you're actually here," Julia rocked his head.
"You should've let me die, it was so peaceful it was so nice," he wept incessantly and the mood was instantly dropped. Denzel went to get the doctor, who too was shocked.
Back to Len POV;
I look up and the comforting darkness is over. "No no no no no no no," I whine, I can't be alive. This must be hell. "Leonard, oh my god, you're here, you're actually here," my mom grabbed me. "You should've let me die, it was so peaceful it was so nice," I beg, pleading, maybe if it's not too late they can turn off everything. My dad gets up and returns with a doctor. He runs over to me and and listens to my chest. "His heart is beating on it's own it seems," my mom looks relieved. "I'm so sorry, Len, I never saw how serious this was," she weeps. "Mom, I'm fine. Can I go home now, doctor?" I ask, bitterly. "Leonard, are you comfortable having me discuss things with your family around?" he asks. I nod. "I was telling your parents that you went into cardiac arrest which put you in a coma. There wasn't enough blood pumping and your muscles- especially heart and brain are too weak. Because your body mass index is below what is considered the mean fatal limit, you could still slip away," he pauses. "At any time. And because the only diagnosable cause is a psychiatric illness, we're going to need to place you under court incompetency. We've inserted a pace maker and now that you're awake, a slow renourishment process will need to begin, but all your liver enzymes are too high to begin that. You could very well die soon," he quiets. "Wait, I thought you said if he wakes up we don't have to turn off the machines?" My dad stands up. "Correct, but he still could die on his own," the doctor even has a tear. "Seriously I'm fine," I say, laughing. My mom rushes Halima and Isa outside to meet my grandma as both are crying. "Leonard, if you're willing to consent to treatment, we can start that now, but you'll need at least 4-6 months inpatient after time here," the doctor says. "Pft no way am I going back to that fat factory," I scoff. "I really wish you would've focused on more important patients and just let me die," I stare at him coldly. "Mr. and Mrs. Harperton, I'm going to bring a clinical psychologist and a forensic psychiatrist in," he tells my parents and my throat develops a lump. The doctor uses his pager and after pleading for a good two or three minutes two more people come in. "I'm going to make rounds, but this is Dr. Ngyuen, the forensic psychiatrist, and Dr. Archek, the psychologist," he leaves. Dr. Ngyuen crosses over to me. "Mr. and Mrs. Harperton, are you comfortable if we see your son alone?" he asks my parents. They nod solemnly and leave. "What we're going to do is assess if you are medically and psychiatrically fit to make your own medical decisions. If you are medically stable, you can stand trial if you don't agree with being psychiatrically incompetent," I nod as he explains more on the legality of their assessment. "I'm Dr. Archek by the way. I'm the clinical psychologist for our psych ward. Dr. Boltzer shared your files with me," she said softly.
"Do you understand that your medical complications currently include a cardiac arrest, elevated liver enzymes, hypotension, bradycardia, low critical electrolytes, late stage ketosis, and hypoglycemia?" he reads from a list. "I guess," I shrug
"Do you recall expressing wishes for death when you awoke from your coma?" Dr. Archek asks. "Can you blame me?" I scoff.
"Do you recognize that your body mass index of 8.8 puts you far below a healthy or even stable body weight?" Dr. Ngyuen asks. "Oh please, cut it out with this low weight bullshit. I'm fat, you know I'm fat, it's not a secret," I seethe at him and he writes frivolously.
"Do you see, hear, or experience things others around you do not?" "I'm not crazy," I roll my eyes
"Do you understand you are going to die without both medical and psychiatric treatment?" "Hah, if only"
The questions get more and more serious as they start asking about my eating patterns, my mental state, my thought patterns, and treatment history.
They both invite my parents back in. "Based on the criteria that Leonard doesn't exhibit severe delusions, no hallucinations, he shows no signs of a psychotic, dissociative, or personality disorder, let alone one that would interfere, he would be fit to create his own decisions. However, because he expresses passive suicidal ideation, denies seriousness of condition, and refusal to accept medical care, he cannot make his own medical and psychiatric decisions until deemed otherwise," Dr. Ngyuen says. "Okay, but what about the whole 'I refuse' thing?" I challenge. Dr. Archek turns to me and sighs. "Because you have been in a coma and require a pacemaker, we cannot allow you to stand trial. You're going to be under supervision of the state and your parents until you're stable enough to make an appeal. Don't worry, this is just for medical and psychiatric care, the rest of your life decisions are under your control," she says. I feel beyond defeated. I can't even fight them. My parents begin signing stacks of paper. "Thank god, this might be our last hope," my dad sobs. I want to scream, instead I feel myself fading away into sleep.
---------------------
"Good morning, Harperton family," the doctor, whose name I still don't know comes in. I open my eyes. "We've been able to rehydrate Leonard to a level that the psychiatric ward will accept him. He will be completely on bedrest and the refeeding process will be discussed with a full eating disorder team. We're going to move him in a few short minutes, as long as you two will sign admission papers. My parents are completely drained. I didn't realize that they haven't left the hospital since I've been here. A team of people in total scrubs and masks brings a wheelchair in.
"You can't lock me up," I yell. This is my only chance to free myself. I'll never succeed if they take me there. I haven't been strict enough or strong enough or hungry enough- I can't be weak now. "Leonard, please let them put you in the chair," my mom commands. "Noooooooo," I scream loud enough for other nurses to turn heads. "Go get the gurney, diazapem, and maybe a straitjacket just in case," one person says to the other and they run. This is my time frame to get out. I feel so weak, my vision is so blurry, but all the adrenaline is coursing through me. Oh god this hurts, but I have to- finally the IV is disconnected, now I need to rip off the wires and- success! If I can just get on my feet- and nice
I run past the other two people there and my parents are shrieking. I'm out in the hall and I have to get out but ouch!
Am I dying?
Nope, I got sedated.
"UOlkajlgo let me go," I writhe as they tie me in a jacket and I can't move. I've lost. I'm so weak and haven't tried enough I'm not dedicated enough I'm-
YOU ARE READING
brittled mind
General FictionLen's seemingly perfect reputation falls when his turmoil with anorexia is revealed after going back to school. He can no longer balance classes, his mental health and his unknowingly complicated family. A workaholic mother and worn down father leav...
