𝘱𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

chapter thirty nine

Harry

I was finally able to get away from the tower for a few hours. After last night, Liam barely even spoke to a today, it was clear that he was upset with me, again. I just didn't know how to please him, every time I stepped out of line or did something he disliked, it just all fell on me. He ended up angry with me and I ended up feeling guilty about it and having to apologize for it later. Why was it always like that? Why didn't every time I do seem to upset him? I was only human, I couldn't do but so much to make someone happy. I tried so hard with him, I pushed myself and it just never seemed like enough.

Last night, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't have sex with him, despite having been with him for nearly a year. I just wasn't ready, why was he so upset about that? In a relationship both sides should be good and well comfortable with their partner enough to take the next step. If I wasn't comfortable, he should've just understood that, but again, I was wrong for having feelings. Later, I'd probably have to apologize to him. It just sucked, everything sucked right now, I needed some time alone to think.

I didn't exactly know where to go in particular. To the park and sit near the stump, or go to the coastline and sit to listen to the waves. Or maybe I could find a new café to go into and take my mind off things. I walk through the city aimlessly not really knowing what to do with myself. I was just feeling horrible and I didn't know how to get past it. The more I tried to steer my thoughts away from it, the more I thought about it and the more I felt bad. I sigh heavily, dropping my head down to look at my feet as I walked.

This is a time I had really wished I knew where Zayn was... I really needed to let off some steam. I felt like a heavy weight was settling on my shoulders too heavy to hold up, and soon I'd end up getting crushed under the pressure. As dramatic as that sounds, it was how I felt. I was exhausted, emotionally and mentally. I don't think I realized how exhausted I was until now. I was a dam to my emotions, holding them in until they eventually built up and overflowed. It couldn't hold up for much longer, I was so weak and they were falling through the cracks.

I hadn't realized my eyes started to tear up until that burning sensation could be felt in them. I really hadn't wanted to cry over this, but I felt like I wasn't just crying because of just that one thing. I felt so many other things that had nothing to do with it. Everything I had been holding in was about to finally show. But I didn't want to, I didn't want to cry. I was supposed to be stronger than this. I shouldn't feel this way. I quickly reach up and wipe away a fallen tear, but that doesn't stop them from filling in my eyes. I wanted to stop but I couldn't, the rush was too strong.

Stuck in my own little cage of sadness, I lost track of the real world so naturally I ended up running into someone since I hadn't been paying attention. I quickly wipe my eyes, looking up, ready to apologize to them but I immediately stop once I see that it's not just some ordinary person on the street. It was in fact, Zayn. Wearing black from head to toe as he always did every time I saw him, but nothing covering his face. He didn't seem surprised to see me, almost as if he knew we'd bump into one another. He was looking down at me with an intense stare, eyes filled with emotion and his face softened once he realized that I had been crying. But seeing him had made the flow rush faster, and the emotion to spill from my eyes. I whimper softly, not meaning to before I actually open my mouth.

"Zayn.." I say, my cracking slightly. Zayn reaches out and touches my face softly.

"Har... what's wrong?" He asked.

That is how we end up back at the coastline, lying down on the sand next to one another, the water barely touching our feet as it rushed back and forth onto land. I had nearly spilled my guts out to Zayn and he listened to every single word I said, not missing a single beat. The more and more I talked, the lesser the weight on my shoulders had become. The less sad I had felt. I haven't been able to talk this freely for what felt like forever, and Zayn was so willing to listen, it made me content. And his comforting words made things even better.