𝘱𝘴, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 » 𝘻𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘺 (𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥)

chapter thirty

Harry

I needed to go see him.

I've been thinking more than I needed to about it, and I decided that I needed to do it. It was either now or never and I think I'd be able to live better if I knew the reason behind all of this. Or not. It all just depends on the motive. It could be something stupid or something reasonable. Either way, I needed to know what and I was going to see him, to find out. I felt bad about deciding not to inform the others, but this was something that was important to me and they should respect and understand that. As much as everyone had been pushing me non stop to get over it, they don't understand that it's not really over until some type of closure is made.

And that's what I'm planning to get, closure. Today was the perfect day to do it. My stomach was in knots. Just the thought of going to him and possibly having somewhat of a decent conversation made my head spin. I haven't had a sane normal conversation with him since now three years ago. I was hoping that this would be a normal discussion. I was hoping that he wasn't going to try anything funny, I was really hoping that he legitimately wanted to talk to me. I didn't want to waste my time getting my hopes up for the one thing I wanted the most. An explanation. I was willing to risk being hurt again just to hear it.

For the first part of the day, I kept my mind at bay acting as natural as possible. If I so much to act any different or even slightly odd, no doubt I'm going to get questioned as I always did. Everyone was always suspecting me of keeping things locked inside of me, letting it bother and distract me, but I honestly felt I had no choice but to keep some things to myself. Some things just weren't up for discussion. I deserved my privacy just as much as the next person. I don't know why it was me who always had to speak up when no one else did.

As the midday mark hit, that's when I began to become a bit antsy. Whenever I sat down, my leg would bounce subconsciously. When I stood up, I ended up pacing. My body just felt so restless, and it was getting tougher to hide. Especially when I had Liam practically everywhere I went, constantly wanting to love up on me. Even that was hardly a distraction. I went into the lounge and lied down as I eyed the digital clock near the tv. four thirty seven. He had never given me a specific time to come, but I figured he would be there around the same time I had taken a run the other day. It was just an instinct. So, as I watched the time slowly go by, my stomach wouldn't stop tightening. And when it came time to actually go, there was this lump in my throat I couldn't seem to get rid of.

I was dressed as if I was going for another run, so the guys knew exactly where I was going when I left the tower. But they didn't know, not today they didn't. I didn't run, nor jog or speed walk. I walked a normal but slower pace into town. I feared arriving too fast, I needed time to prepare my mind and words. I felt like there wasn't enough time in the world to do that, because the closer I got the more foggy my mind became.

I hadn't even been running, yet my body felt so heated and I felt like I was losing oxygen. I patted my forehead wondering if I had been sweating or if that was my imagination. I huffed when I didn't feel anything there, which I was thankful for. I honestly didn't want to be sweating like a pig. I didn't want him to see me like that.. I just wanted to appear at least somewhat decent. I was already as nervous as I'd ever been before, I didn't need to look it as well. As I stepped onto the street where I last saw him, I stopped walking as I stared down the sidewalk.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, proceeding to walk forward. My legs felt a bit stiff and there was a bunch of tiny voices of myself talking at once in my head. Some of them positive, some of them negative, some of them in between of the outcomes of what's about to happen. I wanted to stick with my positive thoughts, but for a long time things haven't been good at all. There was still that little flicker of hope burning inside of me that today wouldn't be as crappy as I imagined. I look up, pausing once I realize that I was near the alleyway I was dragged into the other day, my heart suddenly speeding up. I placed my hand over my chest in attempt to slow it.