The Canadian Boy Next Door (S.M)

Part 17

Leah POV-

   It's Monday. Monday's are the absolute worse, but this one is going to be terrible. I'm still upset about Ian and I need more time to feel better, but my mom won't let me stay home.

When I get to school, I head to my locker. I open it and put my backpack in it. I start to gather my books when someone says my name.

"Leah?" I turn around and see Lauren. "Hi," I respond with a small smile. "How are you doing?" She asks softly. I shrug. "Okay, I guess." I'm lying.

"I'm sorry. I feel really bad and just wanted to make sure you were alright. I'm sure it's really hard for you. I know how upset you were Saturday night when you left." I look at her and say, "I appreciate you asking. Thank you."

"No problem. I understand that relationships are complicated and sometimes they are really difficult." She sighs. "Is something wrong?" I ask.

I know exactly what is wrong though. Her fight with Shawn must have upset her. I'm not going to tell her I already know about it. I think listening to other people's problems distracts me from my own.

"Shawn and I had a fight last night. It was awful." I give her a sympathetic smile when I see the sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry. What happened?"

"You know how he is a singer now?" I nod. "Well, he is going on tour. We got in a fight because I don't want our relationship to end and I think it would if he does have a tour. I mean, I want him to do what he loves, but I don't want to lose him. I feel like we've been so disconnected lately and if he goes on tour we won't be together anymore."

"We've been through a lot and I think he cares for me like I care for him. He got really mad when I told him he shouldn't have one for the sake of our relationship." She whispers, "Now, I'm not really sure how he feels about me."

She sighs and says, "I think maybe he doesn't really care for me at all anymore." I shut my locker door and look down at her. "I'm sure he does. Just give him some time to think about everything. He's probably stressed and didn't know how to react to how you felt."

   "Ok. Thank you, Leah." I nod. "Got to go to class now," she says. I reply, "Ok. See you around." "Bye."

   I walk to first period and sit down at my lonely desk, surrounded by the chatter of everyone else. I read my book and try to shut everyone out.

   After a few minutes, I look up and see Shawn talking to his friend across the room. He's smiling and laughing, acting like his fight with Lauren didn't even happen. I wonder if that's how he always is in public. I wonder if whenever he has problems he just tucks them away and smiles to hide them.

   Me, I just let my problems eat me from the inside out until I feel hopeless. I realize now, that I've always been a mean, rude person who lets my emotions swallow me whole, without doing anything about it.

   I've always held onto the past, too concentrated on my bad relationship with Shawn to try to fix it. For six years, I have let my anger flourish, instead of trying to become happy. It took Ian hurting me to realize I should try to move on when bad things occur.

   I've be never been very happy because of my parent's divorce, my mom always working, my lack of friends, and my resentment towards Shawn. Ian was my escape, and I fell into his trap because I was so desperate.

   I need to change my ways. I need to stop holding grudges and move on. I need to heal the broken pieces of myself little by little so I can live the happiest life possible. I decided that right now, I am going to start to turn my life around, and not be a nasty person, but a happy one.

   Shawn catches me staring at him so I turn my head away and look into my book. Shit. He probably thinks I'm weird as fuck now.

   I hear someone's steps coming towards me, then his voice. "Hey," Shawn says. I look up and meet his eyes. "Oh, hey." I prop my elbow up on my desk and rest my chin in my hand, trying to look casual. I probably look dumb as shit though.

   "Can I sit?" I nod and reply, "Yeah." He sits down and takes his phone out. He puts it on the table and looks at his hands while he talks. "I texted Ian asking about everything that happened."

   I take my elbow off of the table and rest my hand on it instead. I swallow, but don't say anything. "Do you want to read it?" He picks up his phone and opens it then looks at me.

   I think about it, wondering if I should or shouldn't. On one hand, it might help me to understand why he did it or help me forget about him once I know the truth. On the other, he lied and I don't need to be torn apart anymore by reading what he has to say.

   "No. I don't want to read it." He crinkles his eyebrows and looks confused. "You don't? Why not?" I look away and reply, "I don't want to be involved with him anymore. He hurt me a lot more than he should have and I want to forget about him."

   He sighs and says, "He shouldn't have hurt you at all," I look at him and he continues, "but don't you want to know if he cheated on you or if you're the one he cheated on Sierra with?"

   I clench my jaw and say, "He cheated on both of us." His expression softens a little, then he looks at the floor. "You're different than most people. I'm sure anyone else would want to know."

   "That's because I know it's for the better. Eventually you have to let go and I decided I need to start trying to let go of everything bad that I've always let hurt me. I can't take living in pain without trying to fix anything anymore."

   His bright, hazel eyes meet my own. I tell him, "I think I've finally moved on from our past and I just want to say sorry. I just couldn't get over it, but I've realized that I need to and I couldn't just let it hurt me anymore. Or you, I don't want you to feel like you did something wrong, because I know now that it was me who was the problem."

   He licks his lips and glances around the room until his eyes meet mine again. A small smile spreads across my face, but it disappears when he stares at me blankly. He opens his mouth a little, like he is about to say something, then closes it a split second later.

   I squeeze my hand that is laying on the table into a fist, waiting, my anticipation growing each second as his eyes penetrate through me.

   After what seems like forever, he finally does something. He places his hand over my fist and I breathe out. I relax my hand and memorize the feeling of his hand over my own, showing much more than any of his words would.

   He removes his hand then stands up. He looks into my eyes one last time, before walking out of class. I furrow my eyebrows. What the fuck? Where is he going? I don't know what he is thinking, but I just turn around and face the front of the classroom after he leaves.

   A lot of different thoughts run through my head. Did I make him mad? If I did, why did he put his hand on mine in that way? Does he not want to be around me? Is he upset? I'm not sure why he is skipping class, and I can't stop thinking about him. What is he feeling right now?