The Canadian Boy Next Door (S.M)

Part 21

   Leah POV-

   We start walking back towards our houses when he asks, "Do you want to go to my place?" I look at him and nod.

   We reach his front door and he opens it and I follow him inside. I've never been in his house before. I look around as he leads me upstairs. Water is dripping from me and is getting all over the floor.

   I walk down the hallway and stop as Shawn opens his door. He walks inside and I stand in the doorway, taking it in. There is a large amount of fan art spread across the walls, a guitar leaning against his dresser, a piano near the window, and a microphone set up.

   There are pictures of him and his family and friends scattered around in picture frames, blue sheets on his messy bed, and a chair near a bookshelf. I smile at the sight of it all. I feel special that he has showed me his room.

   "What?" I look up and see him staring at me. I walk in and respond, "Oh, nothing." I stand there awkwardly while he goes through his dresser. He lays some clothes out on top of it then rushes out of the room.

   He comes back with a few towels and looks at me before handing me one. "Thanks." I take off my jacket and look at him. "Where should I change?" I ask.

"You can change in here if you'd like. I'll go to the bathroom." I nod. "You can change into these," He says while pointing to the clothes on his dresser, "I'll be right back."

He grabs the clothes he's changing into, then leaves the room and closes the door behind him. I go over to the dresser and look at the maroon hoodie and grey sweatpants.

I almost laugh because this is such a cliché. Wearing the hoodie of the boy you like. I take off my clothes, except for my bra and underwear. They're soaked as well, but I can deal with it.

I wrap the towel around me until it soaks up the water. I rub it against my head to dry my hair a little bit then slip on the sweatpants and hoodie. They're only a little bit too big, but they're comfy and smell good.

   I sit down on his unmade bed and look around his room some more. I think your room says a lot about you, and I feel like I know Shawn better after seeing his.

   I hear the door open and watch Shawn come in. He sets his eyes on me and chuckles. "You look better in my clothes than I do." I doubt that.

   I smile at the ground. I start thinking about my dad again and sigh. I want to tell Shawn about it. I need to talk to someone else about it instead of keeping it to myself. At the same time, I don't want to talk about it.

   "What do you want to do?" He asks. I keep going back and forth if I want to tell him about my dad now. I don't answer his question and say, "I have to visit my dad over summer."

   "And I don't want to." I look at him and he looks confused. "Oh." I bite the inside of my cheek before saying, "Sorry, I just want to talk about it with someone."

   He nods then sits down beside me, but doesn't say anything. "He lives in Oregon. That's where I used to live. He cheated on my mom, so he didn't come with us when we moved here."

   He gives me a sympathetic look and whispers, "I'm sorry." "No, it's ok. It's just, I haven't seen him in so long and I have to spend the whole fucking summer with him. I don't even know him. It's complete bullshit."

   "Wait, did you say all summer?" I nod, "Yeah." He looks away and stares at his feet. "Shit." I crinkle my eyebrows.

"My tour starts in August." I exhale and purse my lips together. He looks up and meets my eyes. I don't say anything, because I can't. There's a lump in my throat that won't go away.

As I look into his eyes, I realize that we will never be able to be together. Maybe all we would have had was a few dates, but maybe not. I think that's what makes me upset, we will never know what would have happened.

I like Shawn. A lot. And it breaks my heart because we shouldn't start a relationship when we won't see each other for a year. Hell, he'll probably get more and more famous, so I would never see him.

I smile lightly at him and he licks his lips quickly and shifts his eyes around the room before looking at the ground. "Fuck," is all he says.

We sit in quiet for a few seconds until he reaches over to hug me. I grab him and squeeze him, my head against his chest. I remember the rain and say, "Sorry, I forgot, my hair is still wet," while starting to pull away. He pulls me back, gripping me harder this time.

"I'm sorry about the summer," I whisper after a while of feeling secure in his arms. "It's not your fault, Leah," he says back shakily. "This fucking sucks. I could try to get out of staying with my dad, or-"

"Stop!" He says back harshly. He loosens his hold on me and starts to back away. I grab his arms, and keep him close to me. I look at him, wondering why he got so mad at me.

"We can't do anything about it! I'm going on tour, and I don't want to put you through that. You shouldn't have to be in a relationship where I can't be there for you. I'm sorry, maybe we shouldn't think about each other this way anymore." He looks away.

I want to slap him. Instead, I put my hand on his cheek and turn his head towards me, forcing him to look at me. "Shawn, I'm not going to deny my feelings. And I get it, okay? It's not that you wouldn't be there for me, I wouldn't be there for you either. I don't want to get in the way of you having a great tour anyway."

I move my hand from his face and put it in my lap. He stares at me, and I'm not sure what his expression is conveying. He stays quiet. "I- I guess we should just make the best out of the time we have left. I don't know how we should do that, but I want to. Do you?"

He exhales slowly and nods. "Yes. I'm going to miss you," he whispers. "I'll miss you a lot, Shawn. You've changed me and I am forever grateful." He smiles shyly at me.

"We only have a month until summer," Shawn replies. "I know," I mumble. "Let's make the best of it," he smiles at me. I smile back, shielding how I really feel about all of this. "Ok."