You Owe Me (Little Mix Fanfiction)

Chapter 12

Life has a way of robbing you of all of your innocence and ripping everything you love from you. It is completely unfair. That was how I felt. I felt like life just wanted me to disappear into oblivion. Yet at the same time it was jeering in my face, taunting me, telling me that it was winning. That made me want to keep going even more. I wasn't going to let life beat me.

The silence in the hospital was unnerving. I was scared to move because it would make too much noise. I could see the other girls eyes cutting into me, waiting for me to crack again. This time I wasn't going to. I wasn't the little girl that I was before. I wasn't letting Inconnu get the best of me. The only way to get at Inconnu is to turn around and look him straight in the eye and say,

"Look at me now b****."

There was no way in hell that Inconnu was beating me. Not this time. I didn't need this and therefor it didn't exist.

Finally someone spoke,

"Last night, Pez, you were screaming in your sleep." Crap I had a nightmare last night. I get them most nights, some worse than others. Last night must have been bad, but why couldn't I remember it? Jesy returned to speaking, "Are you ok? Why were you screaming?"

What could I say, should I have told them the truth and then have them thinking I'm weak forever or should I have lied? I couldn't lie to them, they'd see straight through it. I figured I might as well tell the truth,

"I get nightmares most nights. Normally I can remember when I have them, especially when they're bad, but last night I couldn't. Nothing ever seems to make them go away, but I've learnt to live with them." They all look at me slightly startled. It isn't not really abnormal to get nightmares after traumatic events, so it wasn't that surprising.

"Perrie, how do you cope with nightmares every night" I thought. How did I usually cope, I would call Zayn. I started to tear up, my safety-net was gone, and it was pretty much impossible to get him back. I stopped myself before I cried, but the other girls noticed.

"Oh, you'd talk to him." Jade exclaimed exasperatedly and sadly. We all knew that this wasn't my fault so we didn't say anything.

The silence once again consumed the bleak, musty hospital room. This time the silence wasn't unnerving. It wasn't filled with people watching you, it was filled with thoughts and concerns.

The nurse came into the room to check on Leigh's pain levels and stuff like that. The three of us sat in the corner while Leigh spoke to the nurse. The nurse was really the only one speaking, Leigh was just nodding or shaking her head, and even that was painful. She managed to fracture her spine, they were originally worried if she was going to walk again, but she had been showing signs of recovery. It would be months, if not a year, before we could get her dancing again, yet it didn't phase us.

The nurse soon became a small blur in the room as the light became brighter and things started filling up my head and warping my vision. There were voices in my head telling me that all of this was my fault and that I should just give up on life, it would do everyone else such a big favour. There were also other voices telling me that Inconnu was after me more than the other girls, and that I should just rid myself of life so that Inconnu would just leave all of them alone. There was also another voice that told me that no one cared about me, Zayn didn't anymore and the girls just stuck with me because it was their job. Nothing told me that these thoughts were wrong, so I kept believing them. It was easier to just agree with them than fight them off. I had already spent too much energy thinking so I wasn't going to think about this anymore. I just let them fill my brain until my vision was too blury for me to even stand up.

Everything was almost black, but not quite. The only thing I could really work out was that there were only three other figures in the room. I couldn't tell who they were, but I knew they were there. My head pounded and I panicked, not wanting to fall into another memory, but I didn't. My heart started pounding against my chest, faster than it would normally. I began shaking, lightly at first, like I was shivering from the cold, but then it turned in to my entire body shaking uncontrollably. I could hear people trying to talk to me, but I couldn't understand what they were saying, I couldn't understand anything. My body felt completely felt out of my control. This lasted for a little while, and then everything went black.