Left You Behind

9

Frankie's Pov:

I stared at the IV that was connected to my arm right below my elbow.

"You really need to talk to him Frankie. Only he can help!" Lukas spoke sadly as he leaned against the wall and stared out the window.

"I'm fine. We don't need to involve Rian. I just need to finish this IV bag and then I'm free. Its the same routine everytime. Until I'm absolutely dying then he doesn't need to know." I spoke stubbornly.

"Frankie, Do you realize what the fuck you are actually doing to your body!" He snapped causing me to jump in surprise.

"Yea I do. But guess what. Its my fault Lukas. This isn't genetic, this is what I get from running and getting sick without a flying fuck Lucas. This is what I get for having no way to keep my body in order and being found dead in the park because my kidney infected my whole immune system. And why? Just because  I couldn't handle my fathers words, because he manipulated my mom to state them also! This is my fault and I'll be damned to have Rian know how I fucked up!" I said in a low and bitter tone.

"Sometimes your family requires to know you fucked up so they can help you Frankie. It fucking kills me to see that everyday you're getting sicker and sicker. What's gonna happen when we get out of Baltimore for tour and can't get you to the doctor quick enough?" I could hear him try to hold the lump in his throat down. "Frankie, Rian just-" He was interrupted by the door opening. I looked back down at my IV needle trying to push away the nausea pit in my stomach.

"Hey The concert ended so we figured you might like some company. The rest of your band is in the parking lot." Alex said with a smile as All Time Low entered my room. Rian stood in the corner of the room as everyone occupied a chair. His facial expression held sorrow. "Yo Luke dude, You okay?" Alex asked as he saw Lukas was on the brink of tears.

"Me. Uh yea, I'm just gonna clean the bus a little." He said before he started to slowly leave the room. I could hear Jack and Zach say they were gonna join him so they followed him out. Leaving me, my brother and Alex.

"Hey chica. How are you feeling?" Alex asking in sincerity. I let out a cold lifeless laugh.

"I'm dying more progressively so I guess not that good." I gave him a sarcastic pain filled  smile. "But, at this point everything's fine. No one should care. I just have to finish this IV bag and then I'm free to go." I explained as if I was on repeat. His face filled with fear and sadness from my words. He swallowed hard before trying to speak , but he was speechless.

"I know it's none of my business, but why don't you get surgery? You qualify for it don't you?" Rian asked quietly as he slowly made his way to my bed and sat in a chair beside me. Tears filled my eyes as I saw his eyes filled with concern and sadness. His face held the same look as it did the night I ran away.

"I do qualify. But there's only one person that has a kidney that matches mine and at this moment they want no part of my life. And I'm okay with that. I don't need my life going even more upside down then it already is. So it doesn't matter. Whatever happens, happens. If I die? So what?" I was trying to scare him away. I didn't want him to get close to me.

"Frankie stop! Don't dismiss your health and say 'if I die, I die' because people would care more then you realize." Alex's voice was soft yet stern. But he was also holding something back." And how do you know that the person doesn't want to be a part of your life? I'm sure once they got to know you they would really like you. I know we do." Alex pointed out.

"They wouldn't. I fucked up years ago with my family and I'm pretty sure at this point they want nothing to do with me.." I trailed away.

"Listen Frankie." Rian started. "I once had my 6 year old baby sister run away from my family because she would hear our fathers cruel words. I was an idiot for letting her run because god only knows where she's at now in life. Or even if she's still alive. But the moment she came back into my life I would have her back in my arms so quick. I would be the brother she lost all those years ago and I would show her all the things she missed. What my point is, is once your family gets to know you, they would forgive you in a heartbeat and take you right back in. They would be glad to know how amazing their daughter is at drums and at life. Promise me this Frankie. Before it's too late, reach out to your family. Reach out and tell them everything and if they don't listen I'll be sure to make them listen." Rian explained strongly as tears welled in his eyes. I took a deep breath and held my eyes shut so the tears didn't fall.

"I promise." My voice cracked cracked as I lied.

"Thank you Frankie. And if you need help through everything I'll be right there for you and I'm sure everyone else in ATL and Remembrance would be too." He said as he got up and started to walk towards the door. "I'll be back in a minute." He pushed past the lump in his throat before walking out.

"His sister's name was Frankie." Alex spoke quietly. "You look like her a little but in the same sense you don't. She was such an amazing child. I remember I would come over to his house and she would be playing with Rian or Rian would be chasing her around the house. Whenever she was around he always had the biggest smile on his face." My stomach churned. "He hasn't ever smiled the same again." The despair in his voice was prominent. There was a small knock on the door before my petite nurse walked in.

"Hello sweetie. It looks like you finished your IV which means we can discharge you. Remember, drink plenty of fluids, make sure you take breaks during your performances and try to talk to "him" about this soon. I know you don't want to but by the looks of your charts your kidney and body is close to being done." She explained as she pulled the needle out and taped a piece of gauze to the spot on my arm. We excahnged goodbyes and Alex stood by my side on the way through the sanitized quiet hallways.

"Do you know the nurse?" He asked with his hands in his pockets.

"Oh Claire? Yeah. She's my regular nurse that always helps me."

"If you don't mind me asking what did she mean by talking to him?" He asked as we silently crossed the parking lot.

"Don't worry about it." I dismissed as we got closer to the tour bus. We silently walked onto the bus. My band didn't ask questions and let me continue to my bunk. Jack tried to say something but Sam shook his head no. I slowly climbed into my bunk and as soon as I closed my curtain it was opened again. It was Alex..

"Hey.." He whispered softly. "I know it's none of my buisness but you're a good kid, you don't deserve to go through the pain you do. Please whoever you need to talk to, do it. We don't want anything to happen to you." With that he closed my bunk curtain and left me with a shitshow storm of thoughts in my head.