Left You Behind

15

Rian's Pov:

I didn't know what to say. We both kind of just sat in our spots quiet.

"Rian.." She spoke softly and timidly. "I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you that day tour started but I thought you would get mad at me. I'm so sorry. I didn't want to run away, I-" Tears started to fall quickly.

She broke down so quickly, it hurt me. She didn't have to apologize to me or anyone. We all understand why she did what she did. I understood.

"Hey hey hey. Calm down Frankie. Take a deep breath. Everythings okay. You have nothing to apologize for. Its all okay." I reassured her in a relaxing voice as I reached over and moved some hair out of her face. "I'm not mad and I never have been and never will be. I completely understand why you did what you did. I'm just glad I have my baby sister back. I've watched you over the last month of tour and I'm so proud of you." Tears quickly made my vision blurry. I couldn't find enough words to show and explain how proud of her I was. "You became a kick ass drummer and you went on stage every night and played with so much power and emphasis, and you played through the pain. I am so proud of you that words can't even describe."

"Rian. You're proud of me for the last month. If you would have seen me years ago, you would have been scared and ashamed. I was so destructive. To myself and others. You would have turned your back on me.. Just like I did. I wanted to tell you when tour started but my thoughts got the best of me and then I didn't. Rian I didn't want to tell you until I took my last breath" Her scared voice whispered as her tear filled eyes looked right into mine.

It hurt to hear that fear caused her to not want to tell me until she was about leave this world. But I understood. The fear of being rejected from a family that already had already partially pushed her away is scary and I don't blame her. I blame our father. If it wasn't for him she'd still be in life and wouldn't have died once already. If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't wait until she dies a second time to tell me because she wouldn't have had too.

"What do you mean I would be ashamed Frankie? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to.." She wiped her tears and took a deep breath. The pain in her eyes was prominent as she avoided eye contact with me.

Was I ready to hear the truth?

"After I left.. I walked and walked and walked all the way from home to New York. I was almost at collapsing point when I got there. After a couple weeks I passed out and woke up in the hospital with a doctor telling me they had to bring me back after taking a kidney cause I had died due to a severe infection. They asked if I had family to go to and I lied and said yes. When I was released I went back to where I had died. Then after a while of being at the park I stayed at, Scarlet and Sam found me trying to take food from their cooler. Scarlet and everyone took me in without questioning it. It was going great. After 4 years of living together they asked me to be a drummer and I accepted. It was great moving around, waking up in a different location. But then one day after a show.." Her voice went cold and dry. "A group of guys asked me to hang with them for a little bit. I agreed not thinking anything.. They offered heroin, crack, and drops of acid. My heartrate picked up because I was afraid. They held me down and tied my arm up and shot me up with the herion.. Once they released me I was in such a euphoric state that I took the acid and snorted the coke with no problem... I don't remember that night.. I remember waking up on the bus and my body craved more of everything.. Over the next few weeks I found dealers and kept using.. I was so addicted and I hid it so well from everyone.. Gigs continued and next thing you know I had a baby bump. That first night I don't know if I was raped or if I consented under the influence. The guys found out but I told them it was a one night stand.. I continued the drug use out of fear.. About 2 months later the last night of our gig run.. Lukas found me in the bathroom.. Multiple needles in my arm blood on the floor and bruise marks on my hand and stomach... My drug use cause me to miscarry and I nearly killed myself over it. Rian, I killed my own child.. I was 5 months pregnant with a baby girl and I killed her..Lukas tried to take me to the hospital while everyone was out partying but I kept refusing.. He had to wait until I fell unconcious.." Frankie cracked right there. I didn't know what to do or what to say. My baby sister went through all that and I wasn't there for her. "Lukas got me into rehab and therapy. Eventually everyone else found out. They didn't judge me or anything, they all helped me. I still continue therapy every wednesday and saturday when we're home. I don't know what I would have done if you were there Rian." I carefully got up from my wheelchair and got into her bed and held her close.

I knew she didn't want to me to know this but part of her felt obligated to tell me. Was she trying to scare me away because of her fear of me abandoning her? Maybe, I don't know. But I do know that I will never leave her alone. She is my sister and I'm not about to let anything harm her again.

It was scary to hear everything she went through, and it killed me to know her band was there to help her but I wasn't. I couldn't imagine the pain of going through all that and not having any form of blood family be there.

"Its okay Frankie. I got you now. I will let nothing happen to you ever again." I vowed as she cried heavily into my shoulder. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream at the people who got her addicted so quickly. I wanted to scream and whoever got her pregnant at such a young age. I wanted to scream at the world as it stopped still long enough for her to go down that destructive path. But I couldn't. I needed to remain calm for her sanity. "I'm here now and no one will ever hurt you again." I promised as her cries started to calm down and she started to fall asleep.

Eventually Frankie was completely knocked out and a bunch of people came back into the room.

"Can you guys watch her? I'll be right back." I spoke trying not to let my voice crack.

"Of course Rian. We'll keep an eye on her." Scarlet promised. I carefully got out of the bed and went back into my wheelchair and left the room. Tears rushed down my face as I made it to the elevators and into the lobby.

"Can I go into the parking lot for some fresh air?" I asked the receptionist.

"Of course Sir. Just let me take this IV out and don't be too long out there." I nodded as she came up to me and removed the needle. As soon as it was removed I went out the entry door as she opened it with the button by her desk. I went to the far dark corner of the parking lot where the lights didn't shine on and no one parked.

I got out of my wheelchair and sat on the fresh cut grass and just broke right there. All the tears fell like rivers from my eyes and screams exited my mouth. Everything I held back in her room came out.

I needed to be there for my little sister and I couldn't. I wish I could have taken her place. I always thought I would find her name in a gravestone somewheres, and little did I know, I almost did. If it wasn't for the doctors, Scarlet, Sam and Lucas I would have and then my name would have been right next to hers because I couldn't live in a world where I know there's no chance of ever seeing her face again. To see her smile and brightness in her eyes again.