Caught In The Gray

Chapter Twenty-Six

Entry Twelve

I wish that there was something I could do to make her feel better. Adabelle came home from the Medical center and was crying. I feel helpless, like there's nothing I can to make it better and it makes my heart hurt.

The only thing that I feel I can do is hold her while she cries.

I wake up with my head resting on his chest. Alaric is sleeping, his breathing soft and even. My hand trails over his chest and I listen to the steady rhythm of his heart. I was a mess last night, Fiona's death is haunting me.

Alaric's arms tighten around me and his gray eyes open. I fold my arms on his chest and prop my head on my arms. "Hi," Alaric says, smiling.

"Hi," I say. Alaric traces patterns on my back and I close my eyes, comfortable in his embrace. I just need something right now, something else to think about besides Fiona. I close my eyes for a moment before I stand up.

Alaric looks up, his gray eyes concerned. "Sorry," I say and look at him.

"Why are you sorry?" he asks, frowning.

"I lost it last night," I say. I look up as Rosy comes into my room, laying on the floor by my bed.

"Adabelle, you have nothing to be sorry for," Alaric says and stands up. He walks over to where I am. "It's okay," he says and I shake my head, tears welling in my eyes.

"It's not okay, they're dead," I say and Alaric frowns.

"Who's dead?" he asks.

"Vanessa and Fiona." I say.

"Addy, please tell me more," Alaric says. I look at him, his gray eyes are sincere and concerned and something else, making them darker.

"I went to school with Vanessa and then she ended up at the Medical center with a rash. She was diagnosed and then given the vaccine. She came back and the rash had worsened and she was very paranoid. She said that she would only talk to me. She was getting worse and there was nothing I could do.

"I went to go and check on her one day and three men were trying to move her to the psychiatric ward and she was panicking. She retreated to the bathroom and I told them to stop and they didn't.

"Vanessa slipped and her head on the sink and then on the toilet and she was dead." I say and look at Alaric, wiping tears off my face. "Fiona came into the Medical center and she had a cold. She got the vaccine and then came back in with her brother.

"Fiona was young, still a child. She came back in with her mother and brother and was worsening. She was admitted into the Medical center and she was showing signs of kidney and liver failure.

"I got a call last night from the Medical center and I was told that she was getting a kidney transplant. I changed into sterilized clothing and I went into the OR. The surgeon was trying to save her, but she was dead. Her body had rejected the new kidney and then her other organs were failing and her heart stopped." I say, looking up at Alaric.

"Addy, come here," he says and his strong arms are around me.

"I couldn't save them," I say, my voice muffled against Alaric's chest.

"It's not your fault." Alaric says and I nod against his chest. "Look at me," he says and I tilt my head back. "You can't blame yourself for their deaths," Alaric says and I nod, stepping back.

"I know," I say, softly. I turn away and look through my closet for a dress and heels. "I have to go," I say and he nods, walking out of my room. I get dressed and brush my hair before I walk to the bathroom and brush my teeth.

I walk back to my room and put on deodorant. I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder before I walk down the hall. Alaric is in the kitchen, making coffee. I sigh and walk away, exiting the house.

As I walk to the Transit, my head is a mess. It's filled with thoughts of Fiona and Vanessa and the images of their deaths. It's filled with thoughts of Alaric and him holding me. I step onto the Transit and sit down.

I feel like I need to come to conclusions and start deciphering through my feelings. I'm ready to have a clear mind and I feel like I'm starting to take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings and emotions.

I step off the Transit and walk towards the Medical center. I open the doors after a few minutes and step inside. I shift my backpack as I walk up to the staff lounge and drop my bag off. I walk out of the staff lounge and end up a window.

I stare out the window for a few moments before I start walking towards Fiona's room. When I get to her room, I see her brother inside. He's sitting down on the floor with his head tucked between his knees.

I step inside and close the door. Reese looks up. "She's dead," he says, looking at me. "What happened?" he asks and I sit on the floor next to him.

"She was in surgery, getting the transplant. Her body rejected the kidney and her other organs started failing. Her heart stopped," I say and he nods.

"I miss her," Reese says, looking at me. "She was so happy and she was so young," he says, wiping tears from his eyes.

"I know," I say and Reese looks at me.

"What do I do now?" he asks. "Fiona's dead and my mom's a mess." Reese says.

"Fiona would've wanted you to move on, to become something great." I say and he looks at me, tears slipping down his face. "She would've wanted you to move past her death and live your life," I say and Reese nods, standing up.

"Goodbye," he says, looking at the bed. "Goodbye Fiona," Reese says, closing his eyes. He moves to walk away and stops in front of me. "Thank you for everything. My sister loved you," he says and I nod, tears welling in my eyes.

Reese walks out of the room and the door shuts. I stand looking at the bed for a moment before I sit down. "Fiona, I wish you hadn't died," I say, looking down. Tears splash onto the sheets. "I hope you're in a better place," I say and stand up.

I turn off the light and walk out of Fiona's room, closing the door. I wipe my eyes before I walk around, wandering the halls.

I knock on Genevieve's door awhile later and step inside. She looks up, holding her stomach. "Hi," she says and I sit down.

"How are you and Wells doing?" I ask and she smiles.

"He's good, kicking, though," she says and I nod. She seems happier today. "How are you?" she asks, looking concerned.

"I'm fine," I say and she frowns.

"You don't look fine," Genevieve says and I smile.

"I'm okay," I say and she nods.

"Okay," Geneve says, smiling.