Why I Did It (Lauren/You)

Reason Number Eleven: Guilt

"Hey Lauren this is Y/n I was wondering if you could maybe forgive me for whatever I did and come down here as soon as possible" I paced around the room. My nerves was getting the best of me. I'm in my hotel bathroom trying to get ahold of Lauren but she's not picking up at all.

"Hey ,Lauren it's me again Y/n. I know you probably have so much going on now but I really do need you. My parents are making me get an abortion tomorrow and I don't know how I'm going to take it can you please just pick up so we can talk about this?"

I looked at myself in the mirror my eyes were red from crying which is normal now, that's the only thing I've been doing for so long is crying.

"GOD DAMMIT LAUREN WHAT HAPPENED TO ALWAYS BEING THERE FOR ME-" I groan throwing my phone at the wall and falling on my knees.

I covered my face with my hands. "Everything going to be ok Y/n don't worry you will get through this" I whispered. Wiping the tears from my face I heard a know on the door.

"Sweetie, can we talk?"

"I don't want to talk to you right now"

"Please. I know you're upset with me but sooner or later you will accept this...you will thank us"

"PLEASE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE!" I heard him sigh.

I always hated this feeling. The feeling of being alone. That's all I feel now.

No one really understands me. I make friends here and there but they all leave. I always end up alone and by myself.

Lauren used to be there for me. Even though it was across a screen she always used to make time for me. But it seems now that she won't be here with anytime soon.

I guess I lost Lauren. She'll forget about me. She'll be ok, but will I?

*********

"Hi Y/n it's nice to meet you I'm Doctor McDaniel and I will be going through with this procedure with you," A man with grey hair says shaking my hand. "You can sit down on this table"

I glared at my fathers as I sat down on the table and laid back. Is this really what I'm about to do?

I know I'm only 1 month pregnant but to me this baby in my stomach is alive. He or she won't be able to see the real world. He or she won't be able to meet their mother.

What makes it even worse is that I'm the one taking that opportunity away from it.

I'm a monster.

I closed my eyes trying to hold the tears in. I'm really doing this.

I am really doing this.

After they finished I went back to the hotel. I didn't go to school for a week. I didn't talk to my parents in a week, I didn't even talk to Lauren. I gave up calling her. She was over me and now I have to learn how to be over her.

By now I was staying in my new house. My bedroom was nice. I guess that was something to look forward too.

I guess my dad stick to his plan and gave me the master bedroom. Good thing I don't have to leave my room to use the bathroom. I haven't had an appetite lately so haven't been eating.

Stared at the wall. I wasn't crying or even thinking about anything. I was just laying there. I don't know what to do with my life.

My life is ruined.  I know I sound dramatic but it is. I just did something that I could never forgive myself for. That I could never forgive my parents for.

My life sucks. And I'm a useless human being. Who will never have a decent life? Who will never be happy?

I phone started ringing I looked over at it. I knew it wasn't Lauren but I was hoping that it was her. I just wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to ask me about everything, and ask if my ok.

I grabbed it and looked to see that it was Maia.

I placed the phone to my ear. "Hello?" My voice came out a bit hoarse which is ok since I pretty much went mute for a week.

"Hey y/n how's everything?" She asked. "Fine. Everything Is Fine"

"Look I know a lot is going on in your life but I want you to know that I'm here for you. I'll always be there for you ok? I'm also sorry for turning my back on you. I knew what you were going through and betrayed you. I was selfish and scared that if they saw me with you they'd do the same. The truth is that I really miss you and I want to be an us again. I want to help you"

I licked my lips. "I don't think that's a good idea"

"Please Y/n just think about it. Matter of fact I'll come over and we'll talk"

"Ok," the call ended. I got out of bed and stripped myself and got into the shower. I brushed my teeth. And didn't bother doing anything to my hair.

I already knew what I was going to say to Maia. It was "no".

I can't date now. I have too much on my mind to date.

Crawled back into bed. And waited for her.

35 minutes passed and she was here with a box of pizza and wings. She was sitting on the bed. "Hey"

"Hi"

"Are you hungry" she opened the box showing me the pepperoni pizza. "
When was the last time you ate?"

I shrugged "I don't know" she frowns before handing me a slice "here eat it"  I sat up.

I took a bite. "y/n about what I said on the phone-"

"I'm sorry but I'm not in the mental state to be in a relationship"

"I know I fucked up...but I can help you. And I can get you back on your feet-" I nodded "I just want you to understand me just this once. I need you to know that I'm not ready ok. You can do that as a friend but I can't"

She nods "ok" she pulls me into a hug. "Ok"......