Promises--Hemmings

Chapter fourteen//"Im Broken"

I lay in my bed reading The Fault in our Stars for the millonth time while sleeping with sirens plays in the background.

I just got to that part in the book, ya know at the end? And its gutting me this time. Because all I can think of him.

Luke, with that damn nirvana t-shirt and the guy whos always on his phone. The guy whos changed me into this careless and funny girl. That was never really me before Luke. I was always the quite girl in the corner, with nothing to say.

I start sobbing. Im like Hazel. One day Im gonna killl and ruin evreyone and evreything and Im affriad that I wont be abel to stop the massacre. Im like Hazel because Im broken in more ways than one. Im this evil person that is deying while incaged. And one day Im just gonna be gone and Im gonna kill some people and Im gonna hurt some people. Im like Hazel because Im without Luke as she is without her Gus. But unlike Hazel I pushed him away and its my fault hes not here right. Unlike Hazel I didn't relize I loved him before it was too late.

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"Shelby, head up please and hood off." The History teacher barks at me. All Im thinking of as I sit up and take off the hood is that Luke is in this class. Oh god Im such a fool. I let him go because I couldn't hurt him. He means to much to me.But I let him go. It's my fault. Mine.

I sit down at lunch at a table no one sits at usually.

Luke and I, we usually sit together. He blows off his friends for me. A pathetic and insecure girl waiting for her prince Charming thats sure to never come.

"I'm never gonna leave, So put your hands up. If you like me, Then say you like me." It's the end of the chorus and all Im thinking about is how much this song reminds me of Luke.

And I wonder, is he better without me there around me? Dose he hate me? He never even put up a fight when I told him to go.

I open the door at home to find Max playing with Promise who's becoming quite big.

"Hey Baby." I say picking up Promise and moving into the kitchen.

"Hey bub." I say to Max grabbing an apple and a water. "Why you home early?" I ask.

"I have a fever." He plainly says grabbing a popsicle from the freezer. "Mom just left to go grab me some medicine and take out. She knew you'd be home soon."

"Okay. Let me know if you need anything." I said traveling upstairs.

"Why do you always cry at night?" Max asks while picking up the Wii remote and scrolling through Netflix for cartoons.

"Wh-What do you mean?" I ask sternly

"Well I head you crying your self to sleep at night and I asked mom about and she went all crazy calling doctors or whatever."

Ah crap. "Well, um I just watched another sad movie."

Max walked over to the counter handing me a broacher. "I saw mom looking at this earlier while on the phone. I think its for you?"

"Alright. Ill be in my room." I told him.

"I know that Shelby!"

That night I lay awake in bed around one in the morning, trying so hard to fall asleep but sadly that sleep dose not come.

That broacher that Max gave me earlier was titled, "IS YOUR TEEN DEPRESSED?"

Apparently mood changes and sleeping or eating changes are sighs of depression.

Well the mood changes? Hey I am bi polar here! I guess I had been sleeping more. And my eating according to Luke, was off.

Was I really depressed?

Im such a burden to my mom I bet. All the doctors and crap. And that divorce stuff. Hell, I caused my parents to divorce. And Luke has been upset at school lately too. So many people came up to me asking what was up with him.

Then there was Max, I seemed to be making him and mom both upset. You know if I hadn't been born Mom and Dad would be together with Max and maybe another kid. Luke would be happy and wouldn't worry so much. And my real parents wouldn't have to had to give me up and oh my gosh I probably just a mistake! I felt like braking down and sobbing and dyeing.

Somehow I found sleep.

But around 5 I woke up after having a night mare and a realization.

"Im broken." I said aloud.

"Im broken."

I went into the bathroom and grabbed some container of pills. I swallowed the pills and began to feel dizzy and light headed soon.

I feel back on my bed, and the last thing I saw before everything went black was Luke's smile.

"Im Broken."

A/N

Hey sorry this wasn't the best and I apologize for that Ill try to be better the next chapter!!

Peace, Im out!

X