Promises--Hemmings

Chapter sixteen: "I love you."

Shelby's POV

I get out of this hospital in three days, a Friday.

I don't have to go back to school till after winter brake.

It's a week till Luke gets out of school.

He skipped two days for me. But his mom wanted him to go to school so he visits me after school no matter how many times I tell him not to.

"So what's up?" Luke had acted like nothing had happened. I'm not sure of this for my sake or his.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

"Aren't we?"

"I mean why I almost..like died.."

His eyes went large. "Michael told me what went down." He stuttered. "I don't want to get in your pants, well if you want that then, I mean, sure we can I suppose. I don't think you like me in that way though so that's why We're not doing it right now, right here but oh gosh I sound like a perv I need to shut up, gosh I sound so crazy it's scary and we-"

"Your rambling." I pointed out.

"Sorry." He muttered.

"Why did you say those things?" I say my eyes briming with tears.

"What did I say?" Luke asks moving to me slowly.

"On the phone, the recording."

"I have no idea what your saying Shelby."

I was condused. I knew what I had heard and I felt confused, like I was nuts. Did I dream up those things? I had to have.

"Nothing." I said, " just, nothing."

"Okay..." He says which drew into a long akward silence.

"Why did you?" Luke asks after about 10 minutes of us staring at the ground.

"What, are you um talking about?" But really, I know exactly what he means to say. I just don't want to tell him the reason. It would be too hard on us both. So instead I told a lie, a tiny lie, well its part true.

"I had a panic attak and didn't know what I was doing. Im sorry."

"Don't say that." He said to me picking up his jacket. "You've done nothing wrong."

He came to me, hugging me. Wram and soft. He smelt like mint and colone. I savored the smell. He tilted his head downward so his mouth touched my forehead. Shivers ran up and down my body as he left a faint kiss on my forehead. That was all I needed. But I wanted to say those three words for him to hear. But how could he love me? A crazy, careless and freaked girl. He couldn't. So instead I said something that he needed to hear and I needed to say. 

"Thankyou." I said. For being here, when I needed you most."

"No. Thankyou. For you have givin me hope. When I had none."

And he left. I had the remandiers of a kiss on my brow and a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart that would not go away. But I didn't want it to.

****

I lay in my bed that night, the lights off with only the chiristmas lights I always had strung up around my room. A cup of hot coca in my hand and the fault in our stars in the other.

And this time when I read it I didn't cry.

Goodbyes, they happen. And sometimes were strong enough to move on without them. Like Hazel, she didn't abonden Gus when he died. No she moved on and smiled cuase Gus would want that.

Saying goodbye takes a lot of bravery. There are many types of bravery. Sometimes its found in a soldier as they stand in a line with a gun in hand. But most times its found in the heart of people like you and I. We have never fired a gun to save a life. But we have done other things.