Can't Remember To Forget You | Grayson Dolan

9.

Flashback from before the accident

It was around 3 am and every street was empty. Grayson and I decided to go for a night drive around the town. We couldn't see each other the whole day today. We stopped near the end of the town. The radio was playing 'Him and I' by Halsey and G Eazy.

"See, that's my down bitch, see that's my soldier. She keeps that thang-thang if anyone goes there.Calm and collected, she keeps her composure.And she gon' ride for me until this thing over"

We both stayed silent, Grayson was playing with my hand , intertwining our fingers together, leaving kisses on top of my hand , drawing circles with his thumb. I turned my head facing him.

"Why are you crying ? " he put a hand on my face. I closed my eyes and let myself feel his warm hand on my skin.

"I can't do this much longer , Gray.. I don't want us to hide anymore. I don't want to pretend that it doesn't kill me seeing you everyday and knowing I can't have you." A few tears escaped my eyes and slipped down my cheek.

"Baby, baby.. look at me." I squeezed my eyes tightly , crying. "Lorra, look at me." Grayson turned to face me. His other hand gripped my tight. "We can't tell him. We will destroy , Cameron."

I opened my eyes and looked at him in disbelief.

"We are lying to him , Grayson! Everyday. We are not only going to destroy him , but meanwhile we are going to destroy ourselves." I stayed quiet for a second. " I am destroying myself , Grayson.. I'm destroying my heart."

"Don't say that, Lorra , please..Don't talk like that." Pain was written all over his face. "We need to find a way of out this. We need to figure out how to deal with this situation and with Cameron like grown ups. " his voice was quiet , low and soft.

" I don't want to hurt him. I really don't. I just.." Grayson hugged me and I buried my head into his chest. We stayed like that for a while. Grayson left a few kisses on my forehead.

"Promise me something." I broke the silence and looked at him. Our faces were inches apart. "You won't let me go. Whatever happens, whatever obstacles we have ahead of us.. don't give me up. Don't give us up."

"I won't. I promise you. I'm not giving up on you." He crashed his lips with mine.

End of the flashback.

I quickly opened my eyes and stared at the entrance of the tent. Tears started falling down my eyes. I looked at Cameron who was asleep next to me. I carefully got up and got out the tent. It was probably around 2 am , everyone was asleep. I was alone. I went near the lake and let myself cry. I remembered. Another memory of me and Grayson has suddenly appeared. It made my heart feel warm , but it hurt me at the same time. I was in pain. I wanted all of this to end. I don't want to feel torn between my past and my future. I don't want to be between Grayson and Cameron. I don't want to hurt Cameron , but deep down I don't want to be without Grayson, either.I don't want to leave Grayson behind.

"Lorra.." I heard a deep voice coming from behind me. Two soft hands touched my shoulders. I just closed my eyes and let my head fall on Grayson's chest.

"Hold me. Just .. just be here , please." I cried and hugged him. I wanted him to tell me that this whole thing is going to come to an end, but at the same time I wanted 'us' to end. I wanted there to be no past behind us, but yet again I would never choose not to have what I had with Grayson. It was crazy. I was going crazy. My mind was a mess. Half of the time I want Cameron and I want to forget about Grayson , the next half I want Grayson and I want to find a way to be with him. Sometimes I am even wondering why am I with Cameron? Did I love him? I don't know, but I couldn't leave him. My heart doesn't let me leave him.

"Lorra, what happened?" Grayson's voice brought me back to the reality. I let him go and took a step back so that I could face him.

"Another memory of us came back." I put my arms around myself and bit my lower lip. I was cold.

Grayson stayed silent studying my face with his beautiful hazel eyes.

"We were in a car." I continue talking "we were talking about Cameron and how are we were going to tell him about us, we wanted to find a way how to deal with our situation." My eyes were traveling over his face. I couldn't stay in one place. I started waking around him in circle. "It's just.. it was a sweet memory , but for me it's very hard remembering these stuff, remembering us again and again..-"

"Don't talk to me like you are the only one who goes through that." He interrupted me. "Do you know how I felt seeing you after the car crash for the first time at that basketball court? Seeing you everyday laughing and smiling at Cameron, holding hands and exchanging kisses? Do you know how that feels? Unlike you, I have never forgotten us , Lorra.. I remember everything from the begging! I know us and it's killing me that I have to give you up!" He couldn't raise his voice because otherwise we would wake up the others. His face was red and his jaw was clenched.

"To give me up?" My accidentally blurted out. I instantly regret it. I bit my nail in nervousness.

"Yes, Lorra, to give you up. We can't have each other. We are not for each other. We don't deserve to be happy together. You lost your memory, you forgot about us. It's a sign, Lorra. It's a sign for us to stop here and give up. We were never meant to be together."

"So now you are saying we are not meant to be together , but you are always trying to have a physical contact with me, you are always trying to seduce me, you are always trying to catch my attention when you don't have it, you are always showing off, you continue to prove how good you know me.Why is that Grayson ? Huh.. why is that?" I stepped closer to him and pushed him backwards. "You say one thing, but you do another ?" I pushed him again.

"And so do you , Lorra. You are just as bad and confusing as I am!" He stepped away from me. "We are both stupid! We both deserve the bad things that are happening to us and you know it. We both say that we will stop with our games and then again we continue with them. Why is that, Lorra ? Why are we like that? Why is it always like that with you and I ? "

I stayed silent. He was right. We were the same. He had as much fault as I did. He felt as much pain as I did. Him and I both fucked up and continue to do it. We kept staring at each other without talking.

"I don't know Grayson.." I broke the silence. "it's just the way we are.."

➸ DOUBLE UPTADE BECAUSE I HAD FREE TIME TODAY TO WRITE MORE! Thank you for reading , guys! VOTE AND COMMENT FOR MORE. Please feel free to share your opinion on this emotional talk between Grayson and Lauren.