Professor

Ch. 23 - ...or appart

A/N : It's been a while so it's probably not the best chapter I wrote. Love you guys! xx

Alice lied down on the medical table, fingers clamped around Loki's hand. It was her first ultrasound and she could hear her heart beating into her ears when the doctor finally came in, quickly introducing himself. Neither her or Loki was listening.

Finally. They were about to see their baby, what it looked like.

The young girl shivered at the cold gel being spread on her stomach and the pressure of the tool against her thin skin. However, an image showed up on the screen, causing her and Loki to look up and stare in awe. Gasping as they noticed the small shape of what seemed to be their baby, they both exchanged amazed looks.

"You seem to be two months along."

Alice took a quick glance at Loki's mesmerized face and she couldn't keep a tender smile. Eyes glued to the images, he held her hand tighter. If this was his reaction to an ultrasound, the young girl could only imagine him when the baby would be born.

"The heartbeat is healthy..." the doctor mumbled for himself.

However, when she turned her head to look back at him, she saw his eyes narrow. A frown on his face, something seemed to bother him.

"Can you see that ?" he suddenly asked, pointing at a form on the screen.

It was nothing really, not even big or ugly. It didn't seem harmful at all, and yet it was going to change their lives forever.

"Miss Parker, have you ever been on drugs ?" the doctor asked, seriousness writ on his features.

The young girl felt her blood rushing to her head and she blinked,

"What ? No." she snapped back into reality and gulped, her voice dropping to a whisper, "My mother did."

"While she was pregnant." he muttered again, "Give me a moment."

He left them in the tiny white room and only came back long minutes later, a compassionate look on his face,

"I'm sorry. It rarely happens, but what we saw next to the fetus is a tumor."

It took Alice an eternity to come back to her senses and she slowly sat up, lost in her thoughts, barely hearing what the doctor had to say. After a moment, she felt Loki's arm wrapping around her shaking body and absentmindedly listened to the diagnostic.

"Treating this type of tumor while you're pregnant would harm the baby..." the doctor paused, looking at Loki this time, "Or the mother. I know it's hard, but I would highly recommend to terminate the pregnancy."

Heart skipping a beat at his words, the young girl's jaw dropped,

"What if we delay treatment and wait until the baby is born ?" she suddenly asked, her breath itching as she talked.

The doctor slowly shook his head,

"It'd be too late. Giving birth wouldn't help. There is no guarantee you would survive this. Providing a treatment now is the safest option in your case." He took a step back and pointed at the screen, "Here, you see, the problem is you are in your first trimester, the baby is in an important phase of development. Any treatment as chemotherapy or drugs would be toxic and would harm the fetus." he finished, releasing a sigh, "I'm truly sorry."

Alice felt Loki coming closer, his chest pressing against her back. Tears stinging her eyes, she bit down onto her lip, unable to say a word. Jumping off the table, Alice made her way to the empty waiting room and sat on a chair. Loki took a few steps towards her, his hand cupping the side of her face. Looking up at him, the young girl pressed her cheek into his palm,

"I can't." she sighed, "I want this baby."

And she saw his eyes widen in pure terror.

Now, they both stood in the empty hallway as Alice watched him pace back and forth, his long arms crossed behind his back and his gaze fixated on the ground.

"You're not being serious, are you ?" Loki chuckled humorlessly.

Seeing the look on her face, his gaze darkened,

"No, no, no." he hissed back at her, not ceasing his pacing.

"Loki, if you would just listen to me-" he cut her off with a roar of anger, stopping in the middle of the room.

"No ! You can't ask for such a thing." he growled, looking into her eyes.

The pain visible there made her whole body ache. Alice felt her heart sinking into her chest as he relentlessly ran his fingers through his dark hair. In a certain light, his skin was ashen. Frozen in a remaining shock. Alice saw his eyes, stained with deep fear and sadness.

All her life, she would have to undergo her mother's mistakes. Yes, there were great chances she wouldn't survive until after the birth of their baby, and yet, Alice couldn't explain how much she needed this. This baby was hers and his, she could already feel it inside her. It was impossible to let go.

"Loki, please." she tried to soothe and choked on the words, "I just can't have an abortion and I won't."

He stopped in front of her, his eyes full of anger,

"I refuse to watch you die in the name of a baby that isn't even born." he growled, pain contorting his face.

The young girl moved back, tears flooding her cheeks,

"Alice..." Loki's broken voice begged, "We'll have tons of babies once you're healthy again. You'll see them grow up and become old." He took a few steps towards her, his hands desperately cupping the sides of her face, "But there won't be any of that if you're not here. I need you with me." he pleaded.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she slowly shook her head, instinctively placing a hand on her belly,

"Try to understand..." she whispered.

Eyes watering, Loki bit onto his lower lip,

"You can't ask me to just sign your death." he finally managed, panic emanating from all over his body.

Alice didn't move.

It was his turn to shake his head.

Loki turned his back on her and for a moment, she thought he was going to start pacing again across the room, but he did not. Instead, he just walked away and disappeared.

Alice stood there, alone.

Her heart shattered into a million pieces as she gathered her stuffs.

He was gone. Loki was gone.

She made her way back home and while she walked, emptiness had never felt so real. The mixture of love and sadness kept her crying all along.

But her decision was made.

The ghost of her mother wouldn't take this child away from her. Never.

As Alice prepared herself to go to bed, her stomach twisted anxiously. Loki wasn't home. He hadn't come back. Lying down on the mattress, Alice glided a hand on his side of the bed and she tried to gulp the lump in her throat, in vain.

Grabbing her phone, she dialed his number.

Nothing.

Alice sent him a dozen texts, apologizing, begging, telling how much she needed and loved him. But Loki never answered.

After hours trying to reach him, she wasn't able to find sleep.

A terrible thought crossed her mind and the odd realization took hold.

It wasn't just an argument.

Loki had left her for good.