TCC [h.s.] ✔

the breakup plan

I decided today would be the day I would split up with Jack. I was entangled in a love triangle between Jack, Harry and Alex and it was messing with my head, my grades, and my whole life, and Carissa has been noticing it since it all started. She, herself, says she does not know me anymore. 

Has she ever known me, though? Or myself. Have I ever known myself?

I agreed with her. I was more than happy at the beginning when I didn't have a teacher crush on Harry, he didn't know about it and his relative decided to join the complicated equation. 

I was happy with how simple things were back then. Yes, maybe my sexual life was inexistent, but Jack treated me right. He never raised his voice at me, neither was an asshole to me. Did I want more? Yes. But he didn't mess up with my head, or my feelings. It was just him and I. 

But I was being stupid and irrational. If I really wanted to stay with Jack I would have never risked our relationship, or worse. If I really loved Jack I would have never chosen Harry over us. But here I was. 

So I had to do something about it. And I needed Carissa's help.

I knew Harry told me to keep on dating him, but I just couldn't this anymore. Lately, I was feeling sick because of the guilt in the pit of my stomach and it was getting harder and harder to digest. 

I thought about Harry, the simple handsomeness he possessed, how easily he could be classy and good-looking. There was an effortless quality to him I couldn't get enough of.

I did remember the time he put his arm around me for the first time. I remembered both times: the time when it was supposed to be meant as a friendly gesture, and the time it actually meant something. Both sent my tummy into a tizzy, sent butterflies crawling through my veins and made my heart roar with every emotion I could possibly think of. 

I remembered I couldn't help but break into a light sweat at the warmth that ran up my neck at the memories. God, what I wouldn't give to be back there, back when everything was just starting out. I would've done so many things so differently. I probably would've tried to stop myself from throwing my soul to be torn to pieces.

I probably wouldn't have done anything differently. But still, I would've tried to stop myself.

But now it was too late. And I had to go on with it.

The breakup plan.