This Is Heartache On The Big Screen ~ A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fanfic

Chapter 10 ~ Everything I Didn't Say

I am gonna skip a lot of the film out now and get to the plot of the story and basically just summarise what happens in short paragraphs.

Ashton's POV

I've watched the evolution of my relationship with Sofia for about an hour and I honestly want to know the ending even though I technically know what happens, I want to see it in the big screen in front of me so I can analyze it and realise that I lost every good thing I had when I lost Sofia.

It's a few days before our full performance of our media project and I've been rehearsing 24/7, forgetting band practise isn't just regular, it's got to the point where the band isn't even in existence from my perspective. I haven't properly spoken to Calum, Luke and Michael for months and I appear to have lost them as my best friends. But I can't see it.

"Ready?" asks Sofia. I nod. This is our last full rehearsal before the big performance. I had originally invited the boys but seeing as we were not really speaking. I felt that it would be inconsiderate to expect them to just turn up and support someone when I was ruining their chances of ever making it because  I wasn't turning up to rehearsals. I think they had a gig a few days prior to the show that I didn't even go to watch. The film doesn't show that but I'm pretty sure that its true.

"Let's do this." I say, staring into Sofia's blue eyes and smiling encouragingly at her.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

We finish the show with a standing ovation but I only see one thing as I look out at the audience. Three boys are stood at the back of the auditorium, the unmistakable hair of Michael stands out in the crowd and I could spot Calum and Luke from a mile away. And as I watch myself catch sight of them and watch my face fall, I know that it was then that I realised my mistake. I let the three things that really mattered go. My best friends who were there for me whatever. They came to watch  even though I couldn't be bothered to give them time of day anymore. But sitting in this cinema seat in the pitch black, watching my life in pictures. I realise one other thing:

If I could turn back time, I wouldn't change a thing.

I got to experience what it feels to love and honestly I would rather have loved Sofia with all my being and then lost her than have never loved her at all because she kept me going when the going got tough and she was there for me no matter what. I would change that feeling for the world.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

More time lapses and I am enraptured in my own story. Most of it is just cute moments, like us kissing in the stairwell of the science block and us playing pranks on each other. Just mundane things, just an ordinary relationship.

But as the film progresses a few fights and moments of anger seem to come out of the woodwork, they get more regular but I know that these are just the calm before the storm. The breeze before the tornado.

But even she's saying that she hates me, I can tell that I still love with every ounce of my scrawny body. I can remember hating that I loved her so much. I hated that I couldn't get her out of my head. She was my drug, without her, I was an unstable mess. I needed her to keep myself going, even when we fought I was happy because she near me. I was addicted to Sofia and there was nothing anyone could do to stop me from falling further into the black abyss that would be our love. No one but Sofia herself. She was the only who could stop me from falling too deep but I wasn't so sure if she cared how deep I fell or if she would know that was in love with her. I wasn't as though she didn't notice; it was mainly because I didn't want her to know how much I relied on her, so I hardly ever said 'I love you'.