This Is Heartache On The Big Screen ~ A 5 Seconds Of Summer Fanfic

Chapter 11 ~ I Need Your Love To Light Up This House

Ashton's POV

I'm not dwelling on all the mushy and cute parts of our relationship and I'm simply watching them play over with a sense of recollection and consolidation. I tell myself that it's just memories, that it doesn't matter and the past is the past.

But I can't not dwell on the break up. I can feel it coming, her eyes seem to get blanker every day, I looked more stressed than ever and I'm back spending lunch with the band who, surprisingly accepted me back, no questions asked, no problems caused. Mine and Sofia's ever pending break up hangs heavy in the air like a cold mist settled in a valley. It's the elephant in the room, we all know it's there and you can tell by the darkening circles beneath our eyes and the black tear tracks that often run down Sofia's cheeks.

It's coming and when it does we all know it's not going to be a small storm.

We won't just say: "It's not you, it's me." or "Let's stay friend's."

This is a storm that's brewing on the nearing horizon and she's not reigning back. This hell that we're living in on screen is the calm, the next week would be the storm and I don't know if I can make it through a second time. Reliving us break up again will tear me up inside. The hatred in our eyes, our voices hoarse from all the screaming and the final crack in our words as we say our last goodbye.

We'll never meet again.

And yet, I need her. I need her in my life; to light up my skies, to bring comfort when the going gets tough. All this time I've put on a front, as though nothing is wrong, but I know that when I'm home, all alone, I pull out the pictures and I'll be the first to admit that I feel alone. When her smiling face laughs at me in a photo booth. When I see her smiling for the camera but looking up at me, and I can see it, I'm the reason she's smiling and she's the reason I'm smiling back.

I need her love to light up my life again, I want nothing but her; all of the time.

I know that nothing in this world is ever certain but I can feel it burning inside of me, the need to be with her again. To hold her in my arms and to have her bright smile light up my home and my life. I've tried to deny how much I really need her and how much I earn for her, it's been tough. On both us, I'm sure.

I have to pray that what I have felt for the past two years has been replicated in her life. I must hope that I'm not the only one who got ripped in half.

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I'm currently sobbing my eyes to an awkwardly comforting Calum who seems to be struggling with the comforting task that has befallen him. It's almost comical to watch as he pats my back and tries to sooth me, but he's failing miserably. You can see him trying to hold back the giggles. Not malicious giggles but more the giggles you get when something really bad has happened and the situation is so serious that you can't help but laugh.

"Hey, Ash, it'll be fine," Calum soothes, a sense of desperation oozing into his speech. "She'll come round and forgive you in no time."

"No, Cal. She won't." I insist. "Not this time. I'm not worthy...." I sob, melodramatically.

"No, that's not true." Calum says, trying to sound persuasive but ending up sounding more like he was trying to persuade  HIMSELF it wasn't true, instead of persuading the train wreck of emotions that was currently curled up in a ball on a sofa (that's me).

1 hour earlier.

The dreaded writing appears on the screen, I know what's coming, I know what it is.

But I wish I had a pause button or a second chance.

A/N:

I am the worst.

It is British summer time. I'm not going on holiday. Nine weeks of absolutely nothing to do. It's now the fourth week. I have updated twice, I think.

I HAVE NOTHING TO DO!!

But instead of uploading brilliant content onto here, no. I've sat around lazily watching countless videos on YouTube. It's an obsession. Zoe, Alfie, Joey Graceffa, O2l etc. Every single day

Some of these I've seen at least 20 times. And I know summer resolutions aren't really a thing. But I'm gonna try and at least do some form of typing/editing/uploading everyday.

Feel free to comment, vote etc. Please do this cos it makes me happy. And also check out my One Direction fanfic because 1 more vote and then I've hit 100!!!!!!!!!!

GO VOTE!!!!!!

love you all. Abbie xx