i was a cringe teenager (not much has changed)

(2) all the lies.

i lie to him.
i lie to him when he asks me if he is the one.
i lie to him when i tell him i've not missed him.
i lie to him when i tell him he is not on my mind all day.
i lie to him when he asks me if i'm tired.
because to me he comes before everybody else.
he is my priority.
i can give up everything for him.
i miss him each second
i even miss him even i'm talking to him.
he has my brain blocked.
occupied with thoughts of him
its like i can no longer think of anything but him.
he haunts my dreams
and keeps me awake too.
its because i'm in love with him.
a lot.
but i'm afraid.
i don't want to scare him away.
i don't want to push him.
i don't want to suffocate him.
i want to be different.
different from all the people who have given him suffering.
i want to be his air.
i want to make him feel free.
i want to make him like himself again.
i want to tell him he is elegant just the way he is.
i want to tell him that he is not perfect
and yet everything with him is perfect.
i want to tell him that he might have flaws
but i want to be the one who cherishes them.
and at the same time
i don't want to overwhelm him.
i want things to go slowly.
i want him to know there's no rush.
no force,no pressure.
i want him to stay even if it's just as a memory.
i want him to know i long for his happiness
and i want to take all his pain away.
i want him to know that my love is raw and patient.
that it's okay if we are just friends.
even if we aren't friends and i am the girl he never notices.
its fine as long as i can admire him from afar.
its okay if he is an illusion in my brain.
just an image far from reality.
its okay because its perfect.
its perfect the way it is.
and there's nothing that has to change.
cause his existence is reason enough.
even if he is created by the demons in my mind.
its okay because its perfect as long as i am not the one who's hurt him.
___________________________________________

VOTE.COMMENT.SHARE.

~Muskan x