(13) Closure.

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by _logophile__

by _logophile__

this love has been a tidal wave.
i have found fresh air
beside the waters,
and i have been buried
in the depths of your ocean.
this love has outstayed its welcome
clinging to the veins of your heart,
without ever being touched back.

this love has been mine,
all mine.
you say you tried
but you couldn't love me back.
you say if the water
was ocean blue
instead of green
maybe my hand would fit in yours.

your blood is as red
as the passion i carry.
my heart only has space for blue veins.
i am too much inside my head
and so are you,
but you have found a home within the web,
in the middle of nowhere,
where all is lost
and i desperately search for a way out.

we are eeriely similar one moment
and repulsively unlike the other.
i have found comfort in the discomfort.
so much of me
has been given to you,
living for you,
i am reminded of
honey and milk
when i am with you.

this love has been my enemy,
this love has been my saviour.
i have loved you with everything,
i have loved this love too.
and maybe that is why this love ended.
it was meant to be loved
not by me,
only by you.

this love has left me,
you haven't.
it has taken me longer than it should have,
but i know,
this has never been about love.
it has always been about you.
maybe it always will be.

i might never kiss you goodnight,
but i will be the one who you tell
about your goodnight kiss to.
the love has disappeared,
the friendship has stayed.
if someday it leaves too,
and we talk again when i am raising my kids,
we will still have each other.

i have let this love slip
from my hands,
but it has never been small
enough to break when it hits the floor.
this love is gone,
and yet it is here
somewhere in the air.

i have found my way out,
without my feet ever moving.
i'll always be a lover of yours.
love has many forms,
it seemed i just mistook ours.

// AND IN SOME WAYS YOU'LL ALWAYS LOVE ME BACK. //
__________________________________________

i am a believer of being vunerably honest and i am not ashamed to admit that i had fallen for my best friend. this book has been a dedication to him since the very beginning. he knows about it and he has also helped me in realising that some things are never meant to be. we had to stop talking for a while but we are still as good friends as we ever and now that i think of it, i'd really not have it any other way. i have outgrown these feelings and our relationship is completely platonic. i feel so lucky to have a friend who is as understanding as him. nevertheless, us being just friends now will never change the way i had felt way back then. it was painful and raw and frustrating but above all it was beautiful. i will cherish having ever felt so strongly about someone. we, as humans, are born to feel and feel and feel and it is incredible to know what power love has. i had my own closure a long time ago but this book needed one of its own. here's this poem, that really means so much to me, because no matter what i would never stop being there for him nor will i ever give up on him or our friendship. and with this, i think it's time to say that this very very short book of poetry has been complete. maybe someday i'll gift it to him. as a reminder of how loved he is. until then, it's yours to read.

all my love,
muskan.
__________________________________________

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