i was a cringe teenager (not much has changed)

(11) please come and find me.

i was so scared to be alone,
that i forgot you were just meant to be a distraction.
i was so in love with you,
that i forgot you will leave one day.
and it hurts so much,
to see you with someone else.
everyday to realise that i'd never be your number one.
to have you forget about me cause you're so lost in the eyes of someone else.
it was never meant to be like this,
i was never supposed to fall for someone like you.
but i know that maybe it's not how it seems.
maybe you're not as happy as you once used to be.
and i know that you love her,
and that you have her now,
but i don't know if you're still okay.
i don't wanna think about you anymore.
i don't wanna feel.
i don't wanna prioritise you above everything else,
to always have my mind clouded by the thoughts of you,of us.
i don't want fake hope.
because it seems like you are gone.
and i want it to be true.
i don't wanna love you.
i'm tired of hoping that one day you'll come to me and tell me that you love me too.
i'm tired of all my prayers being about you.
love is hard,
so i knew,
but hating is harder.
and so no matter how much i try,
i just can't get you out of my head,
out of my heart.
and i know that you don't love me,
but do you remember me?
do you ever wish for things to be different?
to have fallen for me instead?
because i'm willing to try.
to have my heart broken a million times by you.
if that means i get to be yours even for a second,
then i'm ready to live with the heartache forever.
because anything is better than losing you.
losing me is better than losing you.
but i think i'm already lost.
tell me would you come to show me the way out?
will you hold my hand and guide me to light?
will you ever love me back?
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~Muskan x