i was a cringe teenager (not much has changed)

(10) my first and my last.

i don't have many ways to show him i care.
but i try.
sometimes i know it's unexpected.
and sometimes unwanted.
and i get worked up easily.
too worried at the littlest thing.
and too nosy.
wanting to know everything.
believing there has to be something i could do.
and any day that goes without hearing from him seems to be the most disturbing thing.
and some days i get scared too.
sometimes for him and sometimes of him.
he holds the power to make me feel the smallest or make me feel i matter.
everything i do,everything i think about,
seems to be about him.
he can push me away and i'd come crawling if he called.
i'm the most vulnerable around him and i wonder if he aware of the nakedness.
and i know that maybe he and i aren't meant to be.
but when it's comes to him,
i'm rebellious enough to break fate just to keep him safe.
and sometimes it makes me feel stupid and pathetic and annoying,
but in the end this is the purest,
most genuine thing i have.
i hope he understands that i'll never leave.
i'll be by his side even when he might not want it.
i'd be his backbone.
i'd pick him up when he falls.
i hope he knows it's all honest,
that no moment with him is fake.
that all things i've said is true.
that i love him more than anything.
i hope he is aware that with him i have no regrets.
and somewhere,
a very big part of me hopes,
that maybe one day he will feel it too.
__________________________________________

VOTE.COMMENT.SHARE.

~Muskan x