I grabbed a bottle of whiskey and searched the cabinets for a glass.
"Why even bother?", I told myself before I drank straight from the bottle. I walked around the empty house, repeating the last words we'd exchanged before she died.
"Stop overreacting! I am allowed to live my own life, you know. I didn't do anything with him OR her. I can have friends, I can do things without you. If I was so into them, I wouldn't have been with you", Lauren said. I shook my head. "Am I really overreacting?", I asked. I paced back and forth. "You kissed them both within one week, and you dare to tell me I'm overreacting?! Fine. I'm done with you. I've been dealing with your shit for far too long. You have no right to make me feel bad for something you've done. Get the fuck out of my house. I can't even look at you."
"You're overreacting, Sarah. I can live my own life, Sarah", I said to myself.
"Is that all you had to say!", I yelled. I took a swing at the cabinet and threw off half the pictures that were on there. I walked over to the broken picture frames on the floor and picked out one picture. It was a picture of us on our first date. She was a waitress at a restaurant and on the night I had dinner there, she followed me out when I was on the way to my car. She was so nervous but managed to ask me out. We went to the zoo together and had a picnic at the beach afterwards. It was the most amazing first date ever.
I dropped down on the couch and took another sip. I closed my eyes and let out a deep sigh.
"Your house? I thought it became ours when you asked me to move in and gave me a set of keys. Why am I the one that should leave?", Lauren said.
I sighed. "Why do you have to be such a pain in the ass? I'm just asking you to leave. Stop being so stubborn", I said calmly. She shook her head. "Fine. But don't think I'll be coming back", she said before grabbing her keys from the cabinet. "I don't want you calling me or texting me. Don't even think about following me", she said. "Don't get your hopes up. I wasn't planning on doing that", I said. She nodded and just looked at me.
"I hate you", she said before storming out.
"I hate you", I said. "I can't believe those were your last words to me.."
"Why couldn't we just talk about this as adults?", I said as I was holding a different picture of her. Then her last words repeated itself once again. I smashed the framed pictured against the wall and screamed. I screamed until I was out of breath. I screamed until I felt light headed. I screamed until my body felt so relieved.
I just stood there, looking out the window. A police car was still parked in front of the house. An officer had just stopped by to bring me the last things that were found in her car wreck, but I had yet to make an effort to look through it. I just watched the police car as I finished the bottle of whiskey.
I thought about Lauren, and the shit she said to me before she left, and I thought about the shit she'd done to me over the years that we've spent together. We weren't meant for each other. We fought more than we had fun. Our relationship was hanging by a thread and there was nothing I could do about it. Either way, I loved her. I didn't mean a single word I'd said to her, but now she's gone and I'll never be able to tell her that.
I frowned, trying to remember where I left my phone. I looked in the living room, our bedroom, the bathroom and the kitchen. When I came back downstairs, I stared at the box. I walked up to it and grabbed the first thing I saw.
A small smile appeared on my face as I was looking at a picture of us. Then I spotted a piece of fabric. I studied it until I realized I was holding a piece of the blanket we used on our first and third date. A tear rolled down my cheek. I heard buzzing and dug further through the box. "My phone?" I grabbed it and unlocked it. The screen was cracked, and the words were barely readable. I managed to figure out I had 47 missed calls and 23 texts. Suddenly my phone turned off. "Fuck", I said to myself. I grabbed a charger from the drawer and plugged it in. My phone turned back on and I checked my texts.
I sighed. All these fake people who didn't even know Lauren and dare to tell me how amazing she was and that she didn't deserve to die. No one knew how much of a bitch she actually was. I was one of the few that could deal with her shit.
I scrolled through my missed calls. Most of them were from my mom and dad. A few of them were from my friends and there was one in particular I couldn't take my eyes off of. There was a voicemail. I took a deep breath as her last words popped up again.
"I hate you."
I looked back at my phone and read the name over and over again. I finally pressed it, and listened to the voicemail.
"Hey, it's me. Please, don't.. don't hang up. I'm sorry.. about the things I said to you. I was totally wrong and out of line. I just thought that, maybe, if I blamed you even just a little bit, you'd feel bad and not blame it all on me. I know, it sounds stupid. It's just that, I was afraid you'd hate me forever and I can't afford to lose you. Not now, not ever. It was a stupid mistake. Can I come home? Please call me back. I love you, Sarah."
