Dear Kacy,
From the moment we met, I knew I was destined to spend the rest of my life with you. And that's what happened. I'm forever grateful for you and everything you've done for me. I never understood how you could live with me and my issues. Everytime I had an anger attack, you were able to calm me down. Everytime I had a panick attack, you knew how to help me. Everytime I had a break down, you were there for me. I appreciate you so much and I wish we could've done more together.
Sadly, that won't happen.
As you know, I've been dealing with my issues more and more. It got to the point where it just takes over my body and there's nothing I can do about it.
There's so much I want to say to you before I go but I can't face you like this.
I love you, Kacy, so much. That's the reason I had doubts about this. But it's what I want to do. It's what I need to do. This life isn't for me and I accepted that a while ago.
Please don't be upset.
The last thing I want is to hurt you. I know, it's what I'm doing now but you gotta understand that this is my last way out.
Just know that I'll be with you every single minute of every single day. Don't feel guilty for moving on, or seeing other people. I want you to be the happiest you can be and even beyond that.
Tell my parents I love them, please. They've been the most supportive parents someone could wish for and the way they took you into the family was amazing. I'm forever grateful for them.
Kacy, I love you so much.
- Stella
I put the letter on the kitchen table, with my engagement ring on it. I looked around one last time before heading out, not planning on returning.
I walked, taking in my last minutes in LA.
After a while, I stopped at a bridge. The bridge I always went to, to clear my thoughts and just enjoyed the view. I had been planning this for a while and this was the only place I could think off.
I sat in the grass for a while, watching the sunset and listening to the birds.
The sun had almost set and I got up, walking to the railing of the bridge. My phone had been vibrating non stop. I didn't want to look at it, but I did.
"Stella, stop this. Now."
"Where are you? I'm coming to get you. Don't do anything stupid."
"Please.. I don't know what to do. I can't find you and I'm afraid I'm already too late."
And a bunch of missed phone calls.
I sighed, trying to hold back my tears. I never wanted to leave her behind but what else was I supposed to do? Live my miserable life and be unhappy forever?
I threw my phone over the railing, watching it fall 50 ft before hitting the water. I climbed over the railing, looking down.
Suddenly I heard honking and car lights coming from afar.
Kacey ran out of the car and stood there, with tears in her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief.
"You're really doing this, huh? You really thought you could write me a letter and then go. Just like that?"
I didn't say anything. I didn't even want to see her but now she's here and there's no other way then to jump. I looked down and heard Kacey come closer.
"Stella.. please come back here", she said. I turned around and saw her. Her face was expressionless. It looked like her soul had left her body and she wasn't able to move. It hurt me to see her like that. She didn't deserve that.
I just shook my head and looked back at the water that was below me.
"I can't believe your selfishness", she said. I didn't look. I just waited for her to start talking again and take it back.
"I can't believe you decided this for yourself and just wanted to leave me here. Leave us here. Your parents, your sister, your friends. I've been here for you since the start. I've adapted my life to your needs, and this is what I get as a thank you?", she said. "That's unfair", I said. "How is that unfair?" "I just don't want to burden you anymore. The fact that you had to adapt your life to mine was bad enough. I don't want you to be unhappy because of my situation. You deserve so much better and that's what I'm giving you."
"I never had a problem with adapting to your life. We've been together for 7 years. It's nothing new, Stella. I'm happy with you, and the way our lives are. I don't know anything else then to check in on you every night, bring you a cup of tea and tuck you in. It's what I do for you. And I do it, because I love you. And I want to make your life a little more bearable for you."
It was silent.
"Did I ever tell you that I hated taking care of you? Did I ever not take care of you? The nights where you jump up and get aggressive, I wake up and calm you down, even thought I have to get up at 5 am for work. The days where you can't stand me, I still stick by your side because I know you'll come around. After 7 years of living with you, I still asked you to marry me because we still have so much fun. When you don't wake up in the middle of the night, I have the energy to make you breakfast before I go and when I get home you cook me my favorite food in return. When you feel comfortable, we have the best date nights. And yes, of course I wish we could do stuff like that more often, but we can't. And I don't love you any less for it. I'm perfectly fine with holding you in my arms while you try to fall asleep. I never said living with you was a burden. It's the complete opposite", she said.
I didn't wanna look, because I was crying at this point. I slowly turned to face her.
"I think I'd like to come back now", I said. A smile formed on her face as she came running towards me.
She grabbed my hands and helped me over the railing.
As I tried to swing my leg over the railing, I slipped. I tried to hold onto something, but my grip wasn't tied enough. Kacey quickly tightened her grip on me and held me up.
"Hold on!", Kacey said as she tried to help me up. My hand slipped further and further from hers.
"Baby, please", she said. She tried pulling me up with all her strength as tears were rolling down her cheeks. "You can't give up now."
I realized it was impossible to pull me back at this point.
"I love you", I said before releasing my grip on her and let myself fall.
