It was everything I imagined. Sparks were flying, goosebumps were growing all over me but my body was still warm. My heart was beating in my throat, and I'm sure she felt that. My hands were sweaty, but she didn't seem to care. It was so delicate, yet so romantic, so.. so beautiful.
Until it ended.
We were just walking. Sometimes you just need that, you know. A little walk to take your mind off of things. But I was in love with her and I didn't know how to act around her. She asked me if I was okay, and I said yes because I was. I was more than okay. I was great, and I felt amazing just being there with her. But she didn't know I was thinking about kissing her, about holding her hand and about telling her I loved her. I imagined it in my head.
"Can we stop for a second?", I asked. She nodded. "Sure. Everything okay? Do you need something?" I shook my head. "No, thank you. I'm good."
We sat down.
"I just wanted to talk to you about something", I said. She smiled and nodded. "Talk to me." I took a deep breath and reached for her hand. She looked at me with a questioning look on her face. "Just hear me out." She nodded.
"I like you", I said in the most confident way. "What do you uh- what do you mean?"
And with that, I leaned in and pressed my lips on hers.
"Something is definitely up", she said bringing me back to reality. I felt my hands getting sweaty and brushed them off on my jeans. "Maybe", I said. "What is it?" "You'll know in a bit."
We kept walking in silence, causing me to wonder off in my thoughts.
"I've loved you for years. And I felt like this was the perfect time to tell you", I said. She smiled. "I knew it. I knew it but I wasn't sure if I should believe it", she said. She cupped my face and kissed me.
"Are you gonna tell me?", she said. I wiped my hands on my jeans again and chuckled. "I will. Later."
"So where do you wanna go?", she asked. "Not too far. Just a little more and sit somewhere before we go back. I'm already out of breath", I said and laughed, coughing me to cough. She reached into her backpack and revealed a bottle of water. "Here", she said handing it to me. I smiled at the gesture and accepted it. I took a sip, feeling my dry throat clear up. "Thank you", I said handing it back to her. "Keep it." She looked at me. "You know, for later." "Oh, yeah. Thanks", I said.
"How was your day?", I asked. "It was good. College was a pain in the ass, but what else is new. Pete had the highest grade in English, Physics and History again. Bye confidence." I laughed. "He's always been a show off. Don't mind him. I know he's annoying, but he's still my brother", I said. She chuckled. "I know. But he's still a pain in the ass." "I thought college was a pain in the ass", I said. "That too. They're both a pain in the ass", she said smiling. "True."
My breathing got heavier, making me cough.
"Come", she said leading me to a bench. "Let's just sit here and catch our breaths for a minute, okay?"
"Before we go back", she started. "I need to get something off my chest." I nodded. "These past few days, I've been missing you. A lot", she said. "Me too", I said. She shook her head. "You don't get it." She took a deep breath. "I've been thinking about you every day. College is nothing without you. I'm nothing without you." I frowned, not knowing where this was going until she pressed her lips on mine. I pulled away as a reflex.
She shook her head.
"I'm sorry", she said. "I totally messed up." "No, no it's okay", I said. "You don't have to lie." "I'm not. It's just that, surprises like that are bad for me. I'm not good at handling those", I said. She looked at me and nodded. "You're right, I forgot."
She was playing with her fingers, not knowing what to say next.
I placed my hand on hers and leaned in, pressing my lips on hers. I felt her hands relax in mine as our lips moved in sync.
For a while, everything was right in the world. One moment I'm kissing her, and she's kissing me and it feels great. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't be happier.
And the next moment, everything stops. The world stops, her lips stop, my breathing stops, my heart stops, and I drop to the ground. At that point, I had lost all feeling in my body. All I could hear were faint screams and a figure hovering over me. Then I lost my sight, quickly followed by my hearing. My body started shaking, and that was the last thing I felt.
Remember that moment where my heart was beating so fast when we kissed? I thought it was because of the moment. Because I was so incredibly in love with her and this was happening. Turned out it was a big fat heart attack. My disease had gotten the best of me and decided it was my time.
I feel two sided about it.
I mean, I died kissing the love of my life. I'll never feel anything else on my lips. But also, I died kissing the love of my life.. It was such a perfect day, such a perfect moment, and I just died. She'll probably be scarred for life.
It wasn't everything I imagined. Yes, sparks were flying, goosebumps were growing all over me and my heart was beating in my throat. My hands were sweating like crazy and I know she cared. But it was too much for me to handle, and it killed me. It killed me and it sucks.
I don't know what happened after that. I don't know how she's doing. Those movies about dead people watching over their families.. it's not true. I can't see anything. All I can see is darkness. Like I'm walking down the street at night but the streetlights aren't working. I don't know if I'll ever be able to see something from her again. I don't know if she still thinks about me. I don't even know how long it's been.
All I know is that the kiss was beautiful.
