Meant to be

Part 20

2 weeks..

2 weeks, after I had been home and home as Mirold's house. I still haven't told him about my pregnancy and I'm scared that he'll leave me because I know for sure that I won't do abortion. But I knew something was in his mind but I never asked because I was scared. I was scared about what it would be and never said a word when he mentioned it.

We were happy so why talk about something that's so far away. But at that morning when I woke up and he was already up and playing with my hair and when I opened my eyes he kissed me but...

I didn't because my jaw didn't move, I didn't felt it. It was stuck on place. But I was scared to tell him anything when he looked at me worried . I just switched sides and pretended that I was going back to sleep and I felt how he sighted and went to work and after that I went school.

School wasn't something usual. I looked healthy not fat so nobody knew and this so called glow worked for me.

After hard school day and writing my speech I went home. I still didn't went my jaw until...

Time was maybe 5 at the afternoon so I started to cook and after that I started washing white plates when he came in to kitchen and said: " We need to talk!" and plate in my hands fell town so I picked up brush and started cleaning and then not noticing I could move my jaw again as I asked : "About what?"'

" About your sickness" I didn't said a word and he got madder "You know we have to talk about this some point" it was so pushy I went out of myself

- "Why? Why should we talk about this? Name on reason why because I don't see any. I'm well, yes my head aches and sometimes my whole body but I'm still me. I can go to school, I can do anything I want.!!" I screamed and then whispered in the end : " I can still be with you" but he heard that

- " Yes you now can but what will happen in 5 years, Can you still be with me? You can be on the hospital bed clinging to your life and then you can't be with me. " My head started to ache and for a second I put my head in my hands and he noticed : "See! You can't even take one conversation without pain. "

- " PP is..." I started but he gut me off:

- " I know what PP is. It's cancer what you can't stop. In principle you are dead at the moment you get diagnosed with it but I'm so sad to look at how you don't fight against it. You just live your life like there is nothing wrong" he was mad and I looked at him with sadness what came into my voice:

- "And what is so wrong about that. That I won't think about it 24/7. I have accept that. That I have only few years or less but please when it hurts you so much then you can leave"

- " But that's the point I don't wanna leave you but knowing you're going to die and there is nothing that I can to about it , just kills me"

- " But you knew from the start that one day I'll leave forever. You could've just stayed away"

- " But I couldn't and even now I can't. I wanna be with you but the more I am with you the more it feels that. That you'll be gone. Do you even know how it feels to know that you can die just any moment" he screamed

- " It's not any minute. It's in one and a half years!" He was shocked and I started to cry being upset and took my handbag " I feel that you care about my illness more than me" I said and left from the front door