Youngjae spent that whole day in a dazed mood. Sometimes he would let out a little squeal and writhe around in his bed, but that was mostly all he did. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed, he didn't know if he was ever going to be able to leave his bedroom. He just couldn't believe the fact that he most likely had sex with his ex-best friend that had turned on him during high school, and there was one thing that truly haunted his mind.
Choi Youngjae was a virgin.
This was the loudest alarm sounding throughout his mind. He had never had sex with anyone ever, period. And this meant that if Jaebum and Youngjae had sex last night, then the older took his virginity.
The one man he swore to never forgive.
The one man he swore to never trust again.
The one man that made him cry every night.
The one man that caused him to continuously hurt with no end.
The one man he could never stop thinking about.
Youngjae laid onto his bed sprawled out facing the ceiling. He felt so dirty and violated, he was hurting. The younger was no longer squealing, wiggling around, or punching his pillow. As he stared at the ceiling above him a single tear escaped his eyes and slid down the side of his face. Youngjae got up from his bed but soon lost his balance and had to lean against a wall in the room. His legs felt weak, he knew they were going to give out on him any minute, so he slid down to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest. On the floor he began to bawl his eyes out; all of his repented sadness came out at one time. Every feeling he had kept to himself since high school was soon being released.
What Youngjae didn't know was that Jaebum was sitting at the foot of his door listening to him cry. The older didn't know what to do, but he knew he had screwed up. That seemed to be all he ever did lately when it came to anything. He felt angry at himself for ruining Youngjae's life once again. Jaebum knew that he had hurt the younger once before and that his actions were unforgivable. He was so fucking stupid and he knew it.
Jaebum stood up and slowly opened the door to Youngjae's bedroom. He walked over to the younger and sat right next to him. The older male put his hand on the side on Youngjae's head and guided it to his shoulder. Youngjae didn't fight it, he just let his head rest on Jaebum's shoulder while he cried his eyes out. He just wanted to let everything go, he wanted to forget everything that had ever happened to him.
"I'm sorry Youngjae."
The younger stopped crying and looked up at Jaebum. The older boy opened his mouth to speak but started to get lost in Youngjae's deep brown eyes. It was weird saying that seeing that everyone always talked about blue eyes and how they resembled the vast depth of an ocean. All Jaebum could see was the land beneath his very feet, the dirt that allowed life to take place; he was speechless.
"What do you mean you're sorry Jaebum?" Youngjae questioned Jaebum's words with a curious look on his face. This was the first time he had ever heard the older apologize like this. Jaebum took a deep breath and gathered his mind before speaking.
"I screwed up your life Youngjae. All those years in the past I was such an asshole towards you and now it's just repeating itself once again. I just don't want you to get hurt anymore," Youngjae said as he blankly stared at a random object on the other side of the room. Tears were pooling up in Youngjae's eyes once again and it was felt like they could escape any moment.
"Jaebum I don't understand. What are you trying to say?" Youngjae asked.
"Maybe you shouldn't be around me anymore Youngjae."
