*WARNING: MENTIONS OF SELF HARM*
The time had flown by and it had been two whole weeks since they had seen or talked to each other.
Jaebum woke up with a ray of light shining on his face. He was sprawled out on the floor surrounded by multiple bottles of differently branded liquor. After their fight, the older had told his company that he needed to take a break because of an 'emergency', but that wasn't the case. Jaebum more than anything lacked the will to get up and go to work. Everything fun in his life suddenly became a chore he didn't want to do. Jaebum had completely given up and wasn't sure what he was going to do next.
He stood up from the floor and headed to the bathroom to take a shower. When he passed a mirror in his bathroom he stopped to take a glance at himself. The two weeks without Youngjae had really taken a toll on him. Jaebum had grown paler than ever and under his eyes were dark circles due to the many sleepless nights he spent crying and yelling at himself. He appeared drawn and washed-out but he didn't care anymore. All that went through the older's mind was Youngjae and how he was doing.
"Wow you really are an ugly piece of shit aren't you Jaebum?" He said to himself before letting out a depressed sigh and walking towards the bathroom.
Jaebum took off his clothes and stepped into the shower before turning the water on. The hot water soon forced its way through the pipes and out of the showerhead onto Jaebum. He hissed in pain and jerked his arm back when the scalding water touched his skin. He looked down and stared at the deep gashes and scratches that covered his forearm. Jaebum was disgusted with himself and his body, tears flowed out of his eyes and mixed with the hot water in the shower as he thought about how much he screwed up his life.
Negative thoughts raced through his head as the water continued to fall down his body. Jaebum thought about how useless he was and that no matter what he did he could never keep a friend. He was designed to be alone, to have no one to care about him.
"WHY AM I SO FUCKIN STUPID!" He yelled aloud before punching the tile wall in the shower. Over and over again he punched the hard surface, blood flowing from his knuckles and painting the tile a deep red. Jaebum's fist touched the wall one last time before sliding down and falling beside his body. He turned the water off and headed out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. Jaebum soon changed into a new pair of clothes and looked at himself once again in the same mirror in his bedroom.
"Look at you Jaebum, you're such a freak. How could anyone love you when you're a monster," The voice in his head mocked him and laughed, "Maybe that's why Youngjae left? Because you're a worthless human being".
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Jaebum yelled and smashed the mirror in front of him. He couldn't take it anymore, he was starting to go crazy and just wanted it all to stop.
Jaebum went throughout the house and smashed every mirror he could find, but strangely enough, when he saw Youngjae's room he stopped everything. The voice went away and his whole body went numb, he let himself fall to the floor. Every good memory Jaebum had had with Youngjae was entering his mind. Every happy moment he had ever had in his life was with Youngjae right by his side.
All he wanted was Youngjae, but he knew that wasn't possible.
Who would love a monster?
Love?
"Ha. Who would've thought I would end up falling for the one person I would never get?" Jaebum thought to himself as he sat there, leaning against the creme colored wall in the hallway. The voice in his head was right, Youngjae would never love a monster like him.
"Maybe Youngjae would be better off if I had never existed?"
Jaebum pulled out his phone and dialed Youngjae's number.
No one answered.
