Strip It Down

Making The Calls

I was sitting there between the two of them. I couldn't believe this was happening they both looked so helpless. I had my hand in rubbing little girls arm.

"I'm so sorry Daddy couldn't protect you sweetie. I'm so sorry you are going through this mommy and I love you so much. If she could be here she would be. She loves you so much... you and your brothers mean so much to me but I can't lose my little girl you need to pull through this. I promise you you will never have a worry in the world and after this you will never need to do anything all I need you to do is pull through and get stronger baby girl. After that Daddy will do anything and everything for you princess. If I could do this for you I Would"

"Savannah..." I heard kellys voice say I jumped up and turned around. She was in a bed their was her nurse pushing her.

"Savannah?" I questioned.

"Savannah and Dallas." She said smiling.

The nurse lowered the bed.

"She is aloud to get up into a wheelchair but only for 30 mins."

"Do you feel comfortable getting up?" I asked her.

"No... I'm hurting so bad." She said crying. I went over and sat in the bed and leaned down and hugged her.

"I'm here if you want me to be."

"I do I'm sorry Thomas I don't want a divorce."

"Don't you ever say that again."I said crying.

"I love you baby so much." She said to me. I kissed her forehead.

"By the way I love Savannah and Dallas."

"So can we somehow wheel her bed over or something ?" I asked the nurse.
"Sure sir we will figure something out. Ma'am who would you like to see first?" She asked.

"Savannah." She said. We managed to put her so she could but the bed up and get her hands in.

"Hey babygirl. Mama is so sorry. I failed as a mom already. You can pull through this babygirl. I love you Savannah." She said crying. I went over I sat on the bed behind her.
"She's strong like her mama. And you didn't fail you are doing perfect." I told her.

"Picture?" The nurse asked. I smiled and handed her my phone. We both leaned over so we were close to the box savanna was in. We smiled. Kinda.

She went over to Dallas.

"Oh do you look like your Daddy Dallas. I sure wish you were able to protect your sister now. I love you so much baby boy.

We got a picture with him. She laid there looking at them.

"So what's next?" She asked.

"I'll have the doctor come up and talk with both of us as soon as I can get back into the ICU..." I said.

"Yeah way to get Kicked out I'll see what I can do."

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Later on that night around 6pm, I was sitting in the room with her.

"Alright Mrs bryan it's time to get you up in the chair." The nurse came in and said.
"What...?" She said surprised.
"We need to get you up, doctor young likes his patients to be up into a chair the first night." She said.
"If I'm going to get up I want to go into a wheel chair so I can go see the babies." Kells told her I smiled.
"Uhm I'm sorry I think he wants you to rest."
"Then I'm refusing of getting up unless I can see the babies."
"Ma'am you just are Hooked up to so much still, the monitor, the fluids and you have the line, and more importantly your catheter."
"I WANT TO SEE MY BABIES!"
"Ma'am I'm sorry you can't."

I stood up.

"I will go down and FaceTime with you" I told her.
"But...."
"Kells stay calm I love you" I said kissing her head.

I walked downstairs to the NICU. I went in and her dad was in there.

"The ladies went home for the night I'll stay with them." He said.
" I can't stay with them."
"No kelly needs someone too. It's better for you to stay with her since I'm not aloud." He said I shrugged.
"True... can I have some time alone so I can FaceTime with them to her."
"Of course I'm going to go grab dinner and my bag out of the car."

*****

I went back up to Kells room around 830. It was time for her pain medicine so she was going to go to bed.

"You can stay with the kids." She said.
"No no, your dad is they will call me if they need me"

She wouldn't look at me. I went over and sat next to the bed and made her look over.

"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I screwed up.... with you with the babies...they are going to have so many medical problems...."
"Kelly you didn't screw up and maybe we don't know if they do we will do it we will figure it out."
"If they don't have a chance I want to take them off of the machines...."
"Kells they are 21 weeks old! They have a lot of time to grow..."
"Listen...I don't want to put them through hell we aren't giving them a trach got it... and I want DNRs..."
"Kelly... we need to talk about this."
"I GAVE BIRTH TO THEM IM GOING THROUGH THIS PAIN I MAKE THE CALLS!!" She yelled.

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